Bradley Expert: How to Talk to Your Kids About Japan’s Disaster

As images and video from the earthquake and tsunami proliferate, how to manage what will likely make its way into the worlds of Rhode Island children?

Child psychologist and researcher Nicole Nugent, PhD, with the Bradley Hasbro Children’s Research Center at Bradley Hospital with expertise in childhood trauma, spoke with GoLocal's Natalie Cummings about this complex subject. 

How old is appropriate to bring up the disaster?

This is a great question – it is important to be sensitive to your child’s age when you think about how (and whether) to talk with your child about the disaster. Given extensive media coverage, many children, even very young children (under 5 or so years), are likely to hear about the disaster in Japan. If young children are exposed to media coverage or other information about the disaster, it is important for parents to be open to discussing it.

If children have not heard of the events in Japan at school, parents will want to think carefully about their child’s personality as well as about the types of lessons that they wish to convey to their child before initiating a conversation. Young children are especially likely to be frightened about things that parents seem to be “hiding” from them or that their parents seem afraid to discuss. Last, the younger your child, the less you will need to say. In fact, with very young children, it is important to keep any discussion about the disaster very brief to: (1) show

that it is not something that your child needs to worry about, (2) keep their attention, and (3) keep conversation about a potentially upsetting topic to a manageable “dose.”

How do I explain the disaster in Japan without scaring my child?

There are key pieces to explaining the disaster in Japan without scaring your child: (1) tailor the conversation to your child’s age, (2) be sensitive to your child’s response as you explain the recent events in Japan, (3) provide (honest) reassurance that you will keep your child safe, and (4) end the conversation on a positive note. 

For example, if your child is young (i.e., under 5 or 6 years old), this could be as simple as saying: “Japan is a country far away. A few days ago, an earthquake (which means the ground shakes very hard) made the water in the ocean shake so much that there was a tsunami (which means that huge waves came up onto land and flooded parts of Japan).” [At this point, watch your child closely to see their reaction – which may range from nervous or scared to curious to bored.] “Japan is far away so we are safe from the earthquake and tsunami. Do you have any questions?” [You want to be sure to give your child a chance to ask questions before you “wrap up”  the topic but try to keep this short as well.] “If anything ever happened here, I would keep you safe.” 

With older children, you may want to go into more details. In particular, you may want to talk with your child about your family’s plan for emergency preparedness.

Could my child suffer from post-traumatic stress?

Children who are struggling with exposure to a disaster can show a range of symptoms; at the most basic level, you will want to be alert to changes in your child’s behavior or mood, particularly if these changes continue beyond a week or two. Examples of symptoms you should watch for include difficulties with sleep including trouble falling asleep and nightmares, new fears/anxieties, refusing to go to school, anxiety about being apart from parents, increased behavior problems, and increased reports of physical aches or pains. 

Post-traumatic stress or other stress-related responses depend on: (1) how much exposure your child has to the disaster in Japan, (2) how important people in your child’s life respond to the event and to your child, and (3) your child’s personality.  It is especially important to limit exposure to graphic media coverage.

Keep in mind that your child is watching you to see how you cope with the situation. Your response will tell your child how worried they should be and will also teach your child how they too should cope. You want to show them through your behavior that everything is fine/safe. Healthy adult coping includes talking about your concerns (but not obsessing about them!), using your concerns as a motivator to do something positive (such as fundraising for people affected by the disaster in Japan), using healthy distractions (such as exercise, watching a movie, or playing with your kids), and relaxing or otherwise taking care of yourself. Unhealthy adult coping includes using alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs to cope with your feelings, changing your expectations for the behavior of yourself or other loved ones (i.e., skipping work/school), or isolating yourself from others.

If you are having trouble coping, it is important to take care of yourself in order to take care of your children, don’t hesitate to lean on other adults or seek professional consultation. Last, you know your child best. Some children are more sensitive than others – if your child has a history of anxiety you will want to be especially aware of how they are coping with the disaster.

Are there any steps I can take with my child to help them cope with the disaster?

In addition to talking with your child about the disaster directly, you can help them cope both by modeling.

Healthy coping for children changes over the course of childhood but parents can always help their children cope by (1) preserving usual routines and/or behavior expectations, (2) remaining available to your kids, and (3) coping well yourself. In early and mid childhood, child coping often involves play. In order to try to gain mastery over something scary, children sometimes engage in play involving themes related to the traumatic stressor.  For example, some historians believe that “Ring Around the Rosie” emerged in response to children’s experiences witnessing, and attempting to cope with, the Black Plague.

If you find your child continuing to engage in traumatic play days and weeks after the event, this could be a symptom that your child is having difficulty coping. Acutely, some traumatic play is common, though you may wish to reinforce the mastery parts of the play – praise the child for having heroes swoop in and save everyone or start playing along with your child and focusing the play on all the great ways that life continued after the disaster. You can also use play to talk about good coping. For example, you could say: “my doll is scared, she’s going to talk to her mommy and her mommy will make her feel all better.” You can also use play to distract your child from the disaster and reinforce that everything is back to normal.

Finally, you can help your child to relax, a skill many adults still struggle to master. Bedtime is a perfect time to practice relaxation, and has the added benefit of easing the transition to sleep. Young children may have difficulty being patient with progressive muscle relaxation (i.e., systematically alternately tightening and then relaxing muscles) but often do very well with deep breathing (i.e., slow breathing from the diaphragm).

How should I bring up the disaster in a comfortable conversation?

Ideally, you would want to bring up the disaster in a natural way, at a time when you are able to fully focus on how your child is responding to the conversation (i.e., not while you are driving). You will also want to pick a time that will work for your child, a time when your child is not already upset and is able to focus for a brief time on a serious conversation. Avoid bedtime or right before school (or before other activities that will mean you will have no opportunity to monitor how your child is coping with the conversation); if your child tends to get stomachaches, you may also want to avoid meal times.