Bradley Experts: Raising “Good Sports” in an Ultra-Competitive Society

Thursday, March 10, 2011

GoLocalProv Health Team

From Pee Wee football to select traveling soccer teams looking to lure college scouts, sports play a key role in the lives of more than an estimated 50 million children in the U.S. today. For some of these children, the age-old “it’s not whether you win or lose but how you play the game” philosophy has been tossed aside. According to experts at Bradley Hospital, athletic competition provides opportunities for children to grow and learn. As children grow older and move into more competitive leagues, they often go from focusing on their individual skills to simply wanting to win–making it that much more important to teach children how to lose graciously.

When Trash Talk Hurts

“Whether you’re a child or an adult, we all want to be successful – no one likes to lose,” says Peter Gillen, Psy.D., a child psychologist at Bradley Hospital. “But many young people aren’t getting the message that losing is OK; rather they’re becoming caught up in this culture of ‘winning-is-everything.’ And because of that, they think it’s OK to bully their opponents or break the rules, as long as it helps the team win.” Gillen says the recent rise in trash talk, showboating and sometimes even violent behavior in youth sports are not surprising, given that children are often exposed to the outrageous antics of many professional athletes and witness firsthand how some parents argue with coaches or umpires in the middle of the game. “Parents need to recognize that their behavior directly influences how their child handles winning and losing,” he said. “Unfortunately, many parents lose their perspective and get so wrapped up that they forget what’s really important – basically, that their child is active, playing fair and having fun.”

Teaching Moments

Gillen says good sportsmanship is about teaching positive self-esteem, learning from adversity and treating others with respect. Parents should learn to lead by example and reinforce good behavior with positive reinforcement. Unless you’re the coach, don’t shout instructions to your child. Parents in the stands should only offer words of encouragement. After the game, don’t dwell on who won or lost or how your child performed; instead ask how the child felt about the game and if he or she learned anything, and remind the child how much fun it is to play. “Good sportsmanship not only allows children to develop into mature athletes, but it also provides them with the skills to deal with difficult and challenging situations that they may encounter off the playing field,” says Gillen. “By laying the groundwork now and instilling the importance of good sportsmanship, parents can ensure that their child reaps all the future benefits of participating in sports and being part of a team.”

A brief video interview with Gillen is also available at http://www.lifespan.org/bradley/news/article.php?p=1082.