Ask a Bartender: What are the Most Hated Drink Orders?
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Anything that requires a blender. “Miami Vice on a busy Friday night with one blender behind the bar,” says New York bartender Stef Toch. If your bar isn’t on the beach, and doesn’t have a list of frozen drinks on the menu, chances are you only have one blender on site, if that. Unless you just picked up a T.G.I.Friday’s mix at the grocery store, this isn’t a simple add ice and blend process. “In the time it takes to make two frozen drinks, I could have made 6 or more standard cocktails.” And the worst part? “Once the server carries the delicious-looking frozen concoctions past one table, everyone gets googly-eyed and then the floodgates open and I have to walk away from the service bar,” adds Toch.
The smorgasbord that takes you more steps around the bar than your FitBit can count. AA is the only 12-step process anyone should ever go through when liquor is involved. When you get past the five or six ingredient mark for one drink, it’s a sure sign you only ordered the drink because you like the name of it. That, or you hate your bartender and want to guarantee you get ignored for the rest of the night. Union Tavern bartender Kaya Abramo has one standout in this category. “A customer asked me to make a ‘Dizzy Buddha’, which contains 11 different ingredients, conveniently scattered throughout the entire bar. I could go without making that ever again.”
Irish Car Bombs. A step above all of the other bomb shots, and for good reason. On parade day and the actual St. Patrick’s Day any bartender expects to make these tiny nightmares and watch patrons grimace, racing to finish before their equally as pained friends. Outside of the month of March, don’t expect an eager spring to action when you order these. The Compass Tavern’s Sebastian Bilentschuk sums it all up quite eloquently. “First of all, anyone ordering a ‘bomb’ shot probably doesn’t need more alcohol. Second, they make a mess and are nasty to clean up.” Oh, but that is not all. “Not only do these take longer than it’s worth to make, more often that not people who order them do not tip. It’s a pretty suspect clientele,” adds Sebastian.
Grateful Dead, and other Long Island Iced Tea based recipes. Surprisingly, this is not because it has a longer list of ingredients. All of the ingredients are right there in your well, and many bars have invested in pre-made Long Island mixes so it’s a simplified process when it gets busy. Some bartenders hate the lingering Blue Curacao that somehow manages to get on your arm or
hand and stay there for all-too long. Others hate the countless other names people have for these two types of drinks, particularly “Ungrateful Dead”. Personally, I hate that every time a customer takes their first sip, whether I made it or someone else did, it’s like it’s their first time ever experiencing taste—good or bad. Customers have ordered it multiples in a night for weeks on end, and each time it’s like unwrapping one of those mystery flavor Dum-dum lollipops. And then come the questions and passing it around the group waiting for someone to say something profound like, “It needs more of something. Sour mix?” False. Maybe this is because it seems as though there are many variations of what to include in these from bar-to-bar, so I’ll take the hit on that one. Or, maybe it’s because all most customers know is that they are strong drinks that seem like fun to order, without actually knowing what they should taste like.
Pam Martin bartends at Compass Tavern at 90 Harding Street in Worcester every Friday night and Sunday afternoon.
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