BACK TO SCHOOL 2011: Off to College Survival Tips for Kids + Parents

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Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Hannah Brassord, GoLocalProv Contributor

Moving away from home and off to college is one of the most exciting and nerve-wracking moments of a child’s life. This moment is bittersweet for parents and kids alike, and many families struggle with how to cope with all of the changes. Whether it’s the first or fifth child to leave the nest, it is still always difficult to see them leave. Local experts shared advice on how to survive the arrival of college, whether you’re the one going, or watching someone go.

Advice for parents

One of the most important things that a parent can do is give their child a little bit of air to breathe. Remember that as much as you love them, they are transitioning into adulthood and they need their own space to do that. David Michel, Associate Director of College Counseling at The Wheeler School, and Cristiana Quinn, GoLocalProv College Admissions Expert, agree that a great place to start with this is putting down the cell phone. “Resist the urge to hover over your child via text and phone,” says Quinn, “Give them space to become independent.” It’s great and convenient that we do have phone/texting to keep in touch but try to use it less frequently with your young adult. “After

all, how often did you speak with your parents when you were in college?” points out Michel. “Encourage independence in your child as much as possible. Help them make their own decisions on their own.”

Parents should also remember, they’re not gone forever! The same goes for students—you will be home quicker than you think! Thanksgiving vacation is right around the corner and time flies. And when it does come, be prepared for anything. “Know that the old kid you dropped off at college will be a young adult when they come home and will expect that there be a new set of rules upon their return,” says Michel. “Be prepared that your child may come home for Thanksgiving and say that they don't like school,” adds Quinn, “It will usually calm down by second semester.”

Parents who are experiencing “empty nest syndrome” from their children being gone often have withdrawals with less to do and miss seeing their kid every day. “Empty nest parents need to establish new priorities and goals for themselves, now that their kids are out of the house. Re-direct your parenting energies on new and exciting endeavors,” says Michel. Parents of younger children can even begin laying the groundwork now for a smooth and sane transition “Get ready now by making sure you have an active happy part of your life apart from them even when they're young,” says Janice O’Donnell, Executive Director of the Providence Children's Museum.  “If your days revolve solely around your children's needs, you will have a hard time letting them go when the time comes and they'll have a hard time being on their own. You'll miss them when they leave home, of course, but you'll take real joy in seeing your young adult go out into the world.”

Advice for students

For students who are experiencing some uneasiness about going off to this whole new mysterious world that is college, Cristiana Quinn advises them not to build it up so much in their head and give the changes some time to set in. “Understand that freshman year is a huge adjustment with new friends, personal responsibility, and academics," she says. "Be patient and don’t expect everything to be comfortable or perfect.”

A great way to make yourself comfortable and meet people is to get involved. “Avail yourself of all the resources at school," Quinn says. "Join at least two clubs and visit the academic support center to understand what services are offered that you may need down the road.” And make sure that you keep your grades up! (Especially the first semester, which can sometimes get crazy.) Quinn strongly recommends to keep up with your work freshman year because it’s harder to raise a low GPA later down the road. At the same time, don’t stress yourself out if it’s tougher than you’d think (college is hard!) and your parents are pressuring you. Parents should remember that their kid’s “definition of success in the first semester at college may be social success while [their] definition is more likely to be academic success,” says Michel. So don’t be too difficult on your child’s grades, as long as it seems they are adjusting well and are happy.

Parents and kids: seize the day

When that day finally comes, however far away it may be, remember that letting your kids go is part of raising them. Early Childhood Educator, Mary Scott Hackman of the Providence Children’s Museum sums it up perfectly: “Give them roots and wings!  Love them for being strong and for leaving!”

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