Modern Manners + Etiquette: Serial Cheaters, Bad-Mannered Coworkers + More
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Do you out a serial cheater like Madmen's Don Draper on Facebook? Photo: AMC.
Dear Didi,
My wife and I are disgusted by our children's table manners. They're teenagers. Defensively, they say, "Our friends don't have good table manners, so why should we?" We're hoping you can give us a list of don'ts that we can try drilling into them before they go off to college. As I said, they are not children and we want to prepare them for the grownup world. J.W. Exeter
Dear J.W.,
It is never too late to try, but truth to tell, the earlier the drill the better. As you're civilized people, you can be the ones who explain why these don'ts should be respected. When you can, make a game out of the drill. Since taking them to a family restaurant might be the only way to capture their full attention, a fun game is to point out - and have them point out - other people's bad table manners. You'll see that it's a good investment of your time and money. They'll soon be referring to themselves as "people like us" as opposed to being "people who don't know any better." Teenagers can be hugely snobby when it comes to sloppy manners. Be brave and persevere. ~Didi
Basic Table Manners
Don't use your cellphone.
Don't use your thumb as a pusher. Instead use your bread or knife to push the food onto your fork.
Don't ever lick your fingers at the table.
Don't wave your knife and fork in the air while you're talking. When you're not using them they should be resting on your plate.
Don't clank your soup, cereal, or dessert spoon against the bowl.
Don't clank your knife and fork on the plate while cutting or eating.
Don't tip your soup plate or bowl toward you, but away from you.
Don't butter your bread in the air, rest it on the plate while spreading the butter (or jam).
Don't cut up all your meat (or large pieces of food) at once. One bite at a time will slow you down to a comfortable pace of eating.
Don't race through your meal.
Don't push away your plate.
Don't slurp.
Don't talk while chewing.
Don't monopolize the conversation.
Don't use salt or pepper before tasting the food, or the cook/host will be insulted.
Don't make a fuss if someone, including yourself, spills. Just deal with it quietly.
Don't rock back on the hind legs of your chair.
Don't blow your nose into your napkin.
Don't reach across another person to get the rolls.
Don't leave your napkin on your plate, place it on the table to the left of your plate.
Don't interrupt.
Don't leave gristle or small bones in your napkin, just place it on the side of your plate.
Don't leave the table before the host.
Don't forget to thank your parents (friend's parent, date, friend) for taking you out to eat.
Dear Didi,
How do I teach my kid to open a present? I was mortified when at his birthday party my five-year-old threw down a present he didn't like in a sulking, disapproving manner. I didn't know what to say to his grandmother, let alone to him. P.L., East Greenwich
Dear P.L.,
Use the Oreo cookie approach. Tell him first what you liked about his behavior at the party, then pause. Bring the party up again and say something such as, "I hope you didn't hurt granny's feelings because you acted as though you didn't like her present. Be grateful that granny remembered to buy you a birthday present. Please, next time, just make nice when opening the present and remember to thank her." Then after a pause on your side, wrap up the lesson by saying something else complimentary about his behavior, such as, "I liked the way you stood at the door at the end and thanked everyone for coming to your party."
When he's ready, try to get him to put himself in another person's shoes by asking him, "How would you feel if your friend Hunter made it clear to you that he didn't like the present you gave him?" ~Didi
Dear Didi,
Do I out the cheater guy on Facebook? After six months of flirting on Nerve.com with what I thought was a pretty cool guy, I hooked up with him the other night and went back to his house, something I usually don't do, but I thought I knew him from our intense chats. I woke up at three in the morning and went to the kitchen for a glass of water. Looking around I realized he was living with a woman, who must have been away on business. Her name was on mail on the counter, as was his, so when I got home I checked them both out on Facebook. There were photos of them on vacations, celebrating birthdays. and even an announcement of their wedding date! I'm not looking for revenge, I only want to warn his fiancée that he is a cheating bastard by outing him on Facebook. E.M., Taunton
Dear E.M.,
Outing him in public would be extremely humiliating for her because they're engaged. Better to send her an anonymous note in the mail. She might be shocked enough by the fact that you slept in her bed with her fiancé, but outing him on Facebook would be overkill. Get tested for STDs, because if he's cheating on his fiancée with you, he's more than likely a serial cheater. ~Didi
Dear Didi,
I share a cubicle with a coworker in a very busy office. My problem is that he has three cellphones all with different ringtones that sound off all day long. It's really annoying. He says they're all business, but that's not so. I don't care about that, I just want to know how I can get him to pipe down his smartphones? D.W., Providence
Dear D.W.,
On your smartphone, record your coworker's three irritating ringtones consecutively on your alarm. Then when you know he'll be in the cubicle for awhile, set your smartphone alarm to go off with the recording and take a break leaving it on your desk. Your alarm will drive him nuts. When he confronts you with your ruse, say, "I just wanted you to hear how annoying it is to have to listen to ringtones you can't stop. Please, either set them to vibrate or find tones that are less irritating." ~Didi
Didi Lorillard tracks evolving etiquette at NewportManners.com through the Q&As in her archives. You can find Didi on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, after reading her earlier GoLocalprov columns listed below.
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