Modern Manners + Etiquette: Wedding Gifts & Feeding Tube Brides

Friday, April 27, 2012

Didi Lorillard, Modern Manners + Etiquette Expert

With the high wedding season fastly approaching, questions to NewportManners.com this week were about Wedding Gift Etiquette and Wedding Dress Codes. But the riskiest questions of all concerned Email Etiquette and whether to be a Feeding Tube Bride and What do bridesmaids do when they don't like their dress?

Dear Didi,
As old fashioned as this may sound, in my experience most people don't know how to use email properly and risk making mistakes that could cost them their job. Most of my employees spend a third of their time at their desks writing emails. The company's had problems with emails going to 'reply all' or mistakenly as a 'cc' to someone who shouldn't be receiving the information. Our problem is, how to set a standard for the company? Is there an email etiquette? A.D., Providence

Dear A.D.,
Never have the rules of etiquette been more behind the times than since the arrival of email and social media. Forgetting to NOT 'reply all' and NOT 'bcc' or 'cc' someone who shouldn't read it, or having the recipient know that others are sharing the information can be a real risk for your business. To keep up with this shifting etiquette, Emailreplies.com, currently considered the most professional resource on emailing, would be a good source to help you create an email policy tailored to your company's needs. For instance, if emailed sales orders are important, the email should be followed up with a phone call. Emailreplies.com recommends such general rules as these:

Use "cc" sparingly.
Make one point per email. When there is more than one point, send separate emails for each topic.
Watch your tone, be mindful not to sound sarcastic.
Don't overuse the "high-priority" flag, like the boy who cried - or emailed - "Wolf!"
Don't forward chain emails. Nobody likes them.
Use proper spelling, grammar and punctuation.
Answer emails once a day.

The Emailreplies.com Web site reminds us that older people use email differently than those in their twenties who mostly text, so they don't always understand the acronyms and abbreviations, which often leads to a miscommunication. Conversely, younger people get frustrated with email, "which they see as a slow game of Pong, while texting is playing Wii." Make it clear to employees that if they think an email will get them in trouble, don't send it. Apparently, email creates the electronic equivalent of DNA."There's always the chance of emails being retained in a workplace archives, and in the case of a lawsuit, they could be subpoenaed." Just recently a survey of 586 companies found a third of their employees had been fired for email violations. So, remind employees that once they click send, they can't get it back. Lastly, remember that highly successful people answer emails once a day; I hope you received this one in a timely fashion. ~Didi

Dear Didi,
We've been invited to a wedding next month and we're trying to decide whether to bring a check or boxed gift? What's the etiquette on wedding presents, because we want to do the right thing. Cindy and Jack, Westfield, NJ

Dear Cindy and Jack,
Nowadays, guests are warned NOT to arrive at the wedding reception with a boxed gift because too often tags and cards get separated from the package and nobody knows who gave what. That's why most wedding couples register through Web sites such as theknot.com that link you to a list at one or two stores. When you send the wedding couple a gift that they've requested from their bridal register it is sent to their home address. You can designate it to be gift wrapped and type in what you want your enclosure card to say. It makes things easier for everyone. You know that you've given the couple something they want and need and they can track the package when they receive notification of your gift. ~Didi

Dear Didi,
I'm getting married in early June and I'm stressing about not being able to fit into my wedding dress. I keep putting off my last fittings. Then it was suggested that to take off a couple of inches around my waistline, I go on the K-E Diet (Ketogenic Enteral Nutrition). I worry that starving myself to lose weight quickly might mean that I only lose muscle on my arms, thighs, buttocks and chest, and my stomach still won't be flat. What is a bride with a waist that's too wide to do? The idea of having a feeding tube in my nose for ten days to lose ten pounds seems crazy. Arianna, Charlotte, NC

Dear Arianna,
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something ewwww! Talk to your doctor before you become a feeding tube bride. There are a lot of other options from juice cleansers and the Dukan Diet to diet pills and hormone shots -- all work as a short term kick-start. By the end of May, they will all have their ups and downs. Your safest bet is to go on a diet such as Weight Watchers and work out with a personal trainer several times a week if you want to fit into a dress -- which is about what the K-E Diet would cost ($1,500). Let me remind you that the 800 calories a day you'll be force feeding yourself through a tube in your nose is just protein powder. There is no magical drug or medicine in the protein powder. ~Didi

Dear Didi,
What is correct etiquette when the color and style of the dress that the bride has chosen for her attendants is totally wrong for the attendants? A.T., Newport

Dear A.T.,
The bridesmaids need to tell the bride that they don't feel that the bridesmaid's dress is appropriate for all of the bridesmaids. But before you do this, do some research and come up with a dress that suits all of your figures and budgets, then present your suggestions to the bride. Traditionally, the bride takes the matron or maid of honor and another bridesmaid with her when she picks out the dress. If she hasn't done this, you can certainly say why you don't like the dress; for instance, long bridesmaid's dresses are "so over." Also, you want a dress that you will be able to wear again. Although strapless is in right now, not all women look well in a strapless dress. Short dresses are usually less expensive because there is less fabric. So: come up with some alternative choices, on which you have a consensus from the other bridesmaids, before you present the bride with alternatives and tell her why the bridesmaids don't like the dress. ~Didi

Didi Lorillard researches the evolution in etiquette attitudes at NewportManners.com or find her on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, and Pinterest.