Modern Manners: Flirting Dos and Don’ts

Monday, February 07, 2011

MODERN ETIQUETTE by Didi Lorillard

Here comes Valentine's Day! Are you making plans to go out—whatever the weather? Start the night early, see where it goes. Have an excuse in mind—as in “early morning conference call.” Polish your flirting skills and get out there. Number one conversation starter this holiday—the weather. Who doesn't have a story to tell about that Good Samaritan who dug your igloo encased car out from under.

Who says manners don't matter in romance? Your flirt style is what ultimately shapes your relationship. Watch out, since researches have found those who flirt playfully and physically have shorter lived and less serious relationships than those who flirt more politely and traditionally—because their intentions are more sincere. If your style isn't working for you, do something different. Not so happy with the sort of person you've been attracting, change your style of flirting; if you sound like the joker or the midnight toker, try being more sincere.

There are two kinds of flirts, you know them both by their body language: The Good Charisma Flirt with the I'm feeling friendly smile who just wants to get out and meet someone new; the Scary Fast and Furious Flirt acting as though he'll hook up with anyone in sight.

Dos to remember

Be interesting by being interested.
Tune into the tone and volume of your own voice.
Get your signals right—don't lead anyone on.
Smile back, when someone smiles at you.
Women, make the first move—a recent survey found 95% of all men said they would “love it if the woman made the first move.”
Walk on by several times and she'll know you're interested.
Draw attention to your mouth—women's mouths are wildly seductive.
Isolate yourself from your posse to be more approachable.
Engage him/her in eye contact several times.
Eye blinking, playing with hair or hands show interest.
Licking or touching the tongue shows real interest.
Preening, arching the back towards the person is a sign of attraction.
When interested, women tend to cross their legs, men spread theirs apart.
Show warmth by leaning forward with palms facing up.
Be sure to pick up any clue that she's just not into you.
Mirror behavior: how they hold their drink, how they're seated.
Be confident—nothing is sexier than confidence.

Whatever you do, don't do any of these:

Don't use cheesy pickup lines.
Don't be too aggressive.
Don't use curse words.
Don't touch inappropriately.
Don't be a mean tease.
Don't be rude or unkind to the bartender or waitstaff.
Don't vent about anything.
Don't even bother to flirt if you have foul mouth or body odor.
Don't be a downer—if you had a bad day, please, don't share.
Don't be in a bad mood—like a bad cold they're contagious.
Don't ever break up on Valentine's Day—you”ll always remember.
Don't forget to smile.

Most of all—remember that nothing is sexier than self-confidence! A recent study surveying how 5,100 men and women communicate romantically narrowed flirting styles down to five, which is yours? Traditional? Physical? Sincere? Playful? Polite?

Didi Lorillard is not particularly good at flirting, which is why she's taken up writing about how best to flirt. Follow her on twitter, facebook, or Ask Didi a question on her Web site, NewportManners.com.