Newport Manners & Etiquette: All-White Wedding Etiquette + More

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Didi Lorillard, GoLocalWorcester Manners + Etiquette Expert

Bold brides say "I don't" to white wedding gowns.

The increasingly rising trend in number of weddings bring questions against wearing an all-white wedding gown and sending a present when you don't attend the ceremony. Nonetheless, the trickiest question of all to Didi Lorillard has to do with asking people about their salary. This week at NewportManners.com.

Asking someone's salary

Dear Didi,

Is it good etiquette to ask a person how much they make? L.C., Jamestown

Dear L.C.,

Is it polite to ask a woman her age? There are ways you can extract this sort of information without putting the person on the spot. By saying, instead, "John, you must make six figures." With that they can answer, "Just about," or quickly correct you by saying, "More like twice (or half) that." Still, asking about someone's salary isn't nearly as rude as making them disclose their net worth. ~Didi

Does a bride have to wear white?

Dear Didi,

Does my daughter have to wear a white dress at her wedding next year? She wants to wear a long skirt and top that aren't white. L.B., Shelter Island, NY

Dear L.B.

Bold brides are saying "I don't" to the traditional white wedding dress. Daring to wear irreverent colors such as gray, called "smoke," and shades of the palest pinks and lavender, as well as the boldest coral and purple, the flashiest of red and coolest of blues, and the ever so chic black. There is no rule carved in stone that says the bride's wedding dress has to be white.

Prior to Queen Victoria wearing a white wedding gown when she married Prince Albert in 1840, most wedding dresses had been blue. So began the trend in the 20th century with the exception of the 1920s and 30s, when shell pink and pale blue were in vogue. Traditionally, in the modern Western world brides have chosen white for it's identification with purity. This is in keeping with the all-white dress worn for Christenings, communions, and debutant balls. If your daughter doesn't dance to that tune, let her wear whatever color she wishes to wear on her special day. ~Didi

Do I have to send a wedding present?

Dear Didi,

I regretted a wedding invitation. Do I have to send a present even though I didn't go to the wedding? V.P., Dallas, TX

Dear V.P,

It depends on your relationship with the wedding couple. Ordinarily, if you don't attend the wedding, you don't need to give a wedding gift. Sending a card or personal note within a couple of months, wishing the couple great happiness, and thanking them for having invited you is always appreciated.

On the other hand, if they attended your wedding and sent you a decent present, you may want to reciprocate by sending them a token gift from their bridal registry. Needless to say, if you do business with the couple or know them socially or because they're family, you may want to choose a mid-priced gift from their bridal registry in order to sustain the relationship. ~Didi

Wedding attire for a reader

Dear Didi,

I am 50, 5'4" and 190 lbs. Very apple shaped. Heavy on bottom NOT on top. My niece's wedding is in June. It is an outside event. I would call her style shabby chic. Her colors are Navy and Coral Cream. She has asked me to read a poem for her at the ceremony. Which I am Very honored to be asked to do. She means a great deal to me. However I DO NOT want to shame or embarrass her in any way with my attire. Can you Help me please with what to wear? Annie, Charlotte, NC

Dear Annie,

Since you will be standing up behind the podium or reading from the pulpit, the top is the important element of clothing. I'm a big fan of the special occasion tailored silk jacket, which you could wear with a simple black or navy blue knee-length skirt. Since I don't know the formality or time of the ceremony, this is a rather general answer. Go to the Maria Pucci website (mariacpucci.com) and look at the shorter jackets especially the Charleston Jacket in Elegant Peach, Pink Sea or Elegant Teal.

The reason I like these jackets is because they are elegant and dignified. They have style, and yet they have the shabby chic old-world look about them that says, I'm the favorite aunt. These jackets are made to order. You would go to the best tailor in your area, who would take the measurements needed to have the jacket made for you. Trust me, you will use this occasional jacket again and again. They are absolutely lovely and it will put you up there on that pulpit with style and dignity. You want to wear a curvy elegant jacket of good quality, whether you have one from Maria Pucci or from another brand. ~Didi

Do you have a question for Didi? Visit her at NewportManners.com. We can withhold your name and location. Didi researches etiquette and all matters of manners for her book,"Newport Etiquette." Previous weekly GoLocalProv.com columns may be found by typing in Didi Lorillard in the above righthand search.

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