Newport Manners & Etiquette: Breaking-Up Is Hard to Do
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
After the breakup
How do I meet women of my same background? I'm now revisiting the singles bar and club scenes and it isn't working for me anymore. O.P., Chicago
It sounds labor intensive, but if you have patience and perseverance you can find a date or a mate through dating websites. You also need a thick skin and sense of humor. The Internet's invisibility shields you while you figure if this candidate or that would suit you. The trick is to narrow down your search by matching yourself with like-mindeds with the same ethics, political and religious beliefs, who are on the same page about sexuality, alcohol and drugs.
For college students, CollegeExplorer, YoungandSingle, and IntelligentDating.net. If you're over forty or fifty, try OurTime, eHarmony, OKCupid, Mature-Match.net, SeniorPlanet.org, BlackPeopleMeet. JDate caters to Jewish singles; for Christians, BlackChristianPeopleMeet, ChristianSingles, LoveandSeek; for earthy types, FarmersOnly, FarmerRomance, Partners4Farmers, FarmerDatingSite; for ranchers there are sites for ChristianRanchers, or just singles, CowboyCowgirl, DateACowboy, EquestrianSingles and for older ranchers Mingle2. Not to be left out, meet vegans near you at VeganDatingScene, VeggieConnection, VeganPassions, VeggieDate, VeganInLove. And then there's green: GreenSingles, PlanetEarthSingles, EthicalSingles. Just google 'dating sites' and add your location and persuasion, for instance, SpiritualSingles or BlackAfrican. No, I haven't tried all of these, so I'm in the dark about results. But these sites could be a start. ~Didi
St. Patrick's Day Hosts
Since we live near the parade route, every year we host a Saint Patrick's Day party. But the numbers have gotten out of hand. The problem is that friends bring friends. How do we tell the friends whom we do want that they can bring a date, but not everyone on their contact list. We end up not knowing half the people we end up feeding. E+G, Newport
Send out a text well ahead of time; then follow up reiterating to bring one guest only and their own beer. ~Didi
Dumped on Valentines
My girlfriend broke up with me on Valentines Day. Since our two-year anniversary is coming up, would it be nerdy of me to send her a playful text? I don't want to seem like a jerk, but I'm not over her. Brian, Providence
I don't know how old you are, but I suspect you're a romantic who'll soon get over your heartbreak and find a new Valentine who appreciates your good humor, and who won't dump you on Valentines Day. But I would forget texting. ~Didi
A Wake to Make the Break
This kind of a question is for an expert such as yourself. My wife and I haven't lived together for the past 10 years. No legal paperwork exists. Everyone on my side thinks we are divorced including my girlfriend. My wife and I just never had money to divorce and since we are both in our 50s figured we wouldn't remarry. Her father just passed away, should I attend the wake? I knew him for 30 plus years, but we just hadn't seen each other in at least 10. D.P., Location withheld
Don't you think it is time to tidy up your affairs? It is disingenuous of you to keep the fact that you are legally married from your girlfriend. Let alone from your family. It is time to come clean. Your girlfriend may not care one way or the other, because it has been ten years since you separated from your wife and she's the one who is with you now. However, if your girlfriend finds out on her own, she may wonder if you're hiding more than just your marital status.
When deciding whether or not to attend your father-in-law's wake, remember that people who think you are still married will wonder why you didn't attend. What's more, you knew the man for thirty years. If you held him in high regard and have fond memories of him, you should go out of respect. If you couldn't stand him, it would be hypocritical to attend.
The wake may be the window of opportunity you need to ask your wife if she's ready for a divorce, after a respectable time of mourning. At the very least, phone her to find out how she would feel about making your ten-year separation legal. At this point in time, it should be fairly easy because 50 states and the District of Columbia allow for no-fault divorces. It really comes down to paperwork. ~Didi
Do you have a question for Didi? Visit her at NewportManners.com. We can withhold your name and location. Didi researches etiquette and all matters of manners for her book,"Newport Etiquette." Previous weekly GoLocalWorcester.com columns may be found by typing in Didi Lorillard in the above righthand search.
Related Slideshow: 10 Ways to Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day
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