Newport Manners & Etiquette: Clearing The Air for The New Year
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
End of the year review
A. I'm scared I won't get my well-deserved excellent yearend review. I'll never get the image out of my head. During the office Christmas party, I walked in on my boss engaging sexually in one of the office restrooms. I went down to another floor to use the washroom and get away from the revelers. He obviously had the same idea to get some distance. When I saw them I immediately turned around, walked out and went home. I knew I was doomed. Can my job be saved? Anonymous
Q. Forget the doom and gloom. When you see your boss, remember that you did not invade your boss's privacy. You didn't force a locked door or crawl under a stall to spy. If he doesn't bring it up, you shouldn't either. Actively start looking for another job, but don't jump ship until you find one that's worthy of you. He would be a super creep if he didn't give you a great recommendation in return for your loyalty and silence.
Head lice infestation
Q. Both of our elementary school-age children, along with their schoolmates have been plagued with head lice since school started in September. There is a child in one of their classes, the culprit, who is still spreading lice. The parents and teachers all know who the carrier is and his teacher has twice sent home notes reminding parents and caregivers to vigilantly check daily for head lice. A detailed nit-free fact sheet accompanies the note giving advice as to what to look for and "how to eliminate the lice in your child's scalp." It is a pain in the neck to deal with: a mini nightmare. We've talked with teachers and other parents, but there is no accountability. Would it be impolite to send an anonymous letter to the parents of the child enclosing the info from the school nurse? JP, Worcester, MA
A. How would you feel if you received such a letter? Not great. You would think that the parent(s) and others involved with the child feel the itch to scratch and get curious. A diagnosis of head lice affects the whole family, although pets are not at risk from catching human head lice or hatching eggs. Talk to the principal. Tell him or her that if they don't talk to the parent, you will bring the problem of the infestation up at the next Parents Association meeting saying that you had asked the principal to take action.
When a tip goes missing
Q. What do we do? On Christmas night one of the employees in the apartment building where we live rang the door bell to ask why he was the only employee who had not received a holiday tip from us. We told him that we had written out his name on the envelope and sealed the cash into his envelope just as we had done with all the other employees. Following building tradition, we had hand delivered all the envelopes to the building superintendent. The doorman asked, "Did I do something wrong?" We tried to assure him that he had not done anything wrong. Stunned we wished him a Merry Christmas and he walked away. SZ, NYC
A. You have two options. Talk to the manager, which may be a complete waste of your time. Or simply give the employee a second tip. Next year make out individual checks or money orders to the people who service your building. Then at least you will have a record.
Noisy battling neighbors
Q. We live in an apartment complex and our new neighbors fight a lot. They obviously don't know that we hear them. Their angry voices are pushed through the common heating ducts. We cannot really complain to management because they aren't the marriage police. It would be awkward to confront them because we bump into them quite often. What would you do? Name Withheld
A. Invite your new neighbors for a New Year's drink within the next week. Make it clear that it is for one celebratory drink. Once you've clicked glasses to the New Year, bring up the problem. With humor say, "We were wondering if you hear our loud TV and music and if it disturbs you when we turn up the volume?" Then add, "We want to be good neighbors, but we have to let you know that we hear you talking through the heating system." Not to worry. They are not going to ask if you are overhearing their conversations. If they do, say, "We try to not listen to the actual conversation, but it is hard to block out the sound of your voices." Add, that you want them to ring your doorbell if they are ever disturbed by boisterous voices from your apartment.
Didi Lorillard searches manners and etiquette at NewportManners.
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