Newport Manners & Etiquette: Dress Code ‘Newport Chic’

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Didi Lorillard, GoLocalWorcester Manners + Etiquette Expert

Clay Pell and Michelle Kwan Photo credit: Nick Mele

Summer entertaining etiquette is in full swing, but what to wear? Clambake hosting and tipping etiquette, and what to do about the awkward house guest present. Wedding etiquette dress code for the bride's four sisters. All questions this week to Didi Lorillard at NewportManners.com.

Newport Chic

My husband and I have been invited to a 50th surprise birthday party in August. Invitation states dinner, drinks and dancing - plan for fun 'Newport Chic' cocktail attire. Not sure what the term Newport Chic translates to. Event begins at 6:30pm and will be held at a residence. How formal or informal will we need to be? J.G., New York, New York

Another way of saying 'Newport Chic' is 'Jacket & Tie.' Men in summer suits or lightweight blazers with off-white trousers, collared shirts and colorful ties. No sandals or flip-flops, but men can wear loafers without socks. The women will be wearing an array of dressy knee-length and above summer cocktail dresses, maxi cocktail dresses, and fitted silk jackets or tunics with slacks. If the host had wanted men to wear tuxedos, the dress code 'Black Tie' would have been on the invitation instead of 'Newport Chic.'

For more specific ideas as to what a woman might wear to an informal dinner dance such as this, go to what2wearwhere.com and Hilary Dick will have plenty of ideas for you. ~Didi

Entertaining and tipping

My husband and I recently hosted a clambake in Kennebuckport, Maine for 24 guests. There was an abundance of food --- lobsters, steamers, mussels, hamburgers, hotdogs, clam chowder, and assorted salads and vegetables. Dessert and beverages, both alcoholic and nonalcoholic, were also served.

My question is this: Is it proper etiquette for the owners of the inn to allow wait staff to help themselves to the buffet? There was ample food left over, and I certainly understand why the inn staff would enjoy the dinner. However, shouldn't the inn owners have asked my husband and I before the wait staff filled their dinner plates?

Also, although we ordered 24 2 lb. lobsters, there were at least 6-7 uneaten. I respect our responsibility and obligation to pay the invoice in full, which, of course we did. However, wouldn't it have been more polite for the inn owners to ask us about removing all the food from the buffet before doing so? And, wouldn't it have been polite for the owners to offer to pack-up some of the leftovers, at least the items that would have stayed fresh for a few days? Our family is taking bets on your answers! Marybeth B., Location withheld

These are service industry questions. In your situation it is really about customer service satisfaction. You were disappointed. It would have been best practiced customer service for the inn keepers to have asked your permission before giving away your leftovers. You walked away with a salty taste in your mouth because the customer service wasn't up to your standards.

You ordered 24 lobsters and other food for 24 guests. The inn keepers had to pay for those lobsters and accompanying food that you authorized them to purchase in advance. If you had asked them ahead of time to have any leftovers packaged up for you to take home, it is more than likely that they would have accommodated your request. One usually has to ask for a doggie bag. Think of your left behind leftovers as part of the gratuity for servicing your summer clambake.

Customarily, in a restaurant, or for a catered party, the wait staff is fed before the guests arrive and they don't help themselves from the buffet before it has been taken down. Next time, you'll know to discuss the timeline for the feeding of the staff and the fate of the leftovers when finalizing your agreement with the inn owners. Set your boundaries ahead of time, and there will be no problems. ~Didi

Awkward gift situation

We traveled to Cape Cod to stay with friends from our neighborhood in Texas last summer, who have a house there. They had given us a book on Cape Cod to prepare us for the trip. The awkward situation is that when they invited us back this summer, they must have forgotten, because they gave us the same book on the Cape, again, in anticipation of our second visit. Should we say anything? The only reason we would is because we would want someone else to be able to enjoy the book. Or should we say nothing other than lots of "thank yous" and keep the book? Andy S., Texas

There are those who would say nothing and those who would gently note that they were extremely grateful for the book--but that their hosts must have forgotten that they had also sent a copy last summer. Add that with their permission, you would be happy to donate the second copy to your local library. Use the latter when you suspect they might give you the same book a third time. In general, one doesn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but this situation is an exception. ~Didi

Wedding dress code for attendants

I'm the sister of a 26 yr. old bride and I am attending her after 5 wedding in Biloxi, MS in August. The wedding is at an inside venue on the beach. Her colors are fuchsia and navy blue. I am 39-years-old 5'5" and a curvy size 14 with a tiny waistline and small bust. My sister did not specify a formal wedding; but, I am thinking an above- the-knee cocktail dress would be appropriate??? Any suggestions on the color? I have 3 other sisters who will all be in attendance for our baby sister's wedding...we were thinking black but not sure. Michelle, Mississippi

I agree, I'm not so sure about wearing black in August to a beach-style wedding. The attendants usually wear one of the wedding colors, so why not find a navy blue dress that accentuates your curves, and one that you can wear again. Look for a blue crepe A-line dress.

To illustrate the kind of dress I'm recommending, I use the website renttherunway.com where you can rent, buy or just get a sense of dresses available in stores. I did a quick check under dresses choosing the color blue and found:

ML Monique Lhuillier: We Belong Together Dress

Nanette Lepore: Navy Lace Crew Dress

Lilly Pulitzer: Navy Bernadette Wave Dress

Vera Wang: Bicolor Power Sheath

Lilly Pulitzer: Derby Girl Dress

Blumarine: Lady Pep Dress

Carolina Herrera: Navy Metropolitan Club Dress

ML Monique LHuillier: Never Let You Go Sheath

If you find a dress at a site such as renttherunway.com, have your other three sisters check it out. You wouldn't necessarily have to wear the exact same dress, because we want all of you to wear the dress that flatters you most. Choose a length, such as knee-length or above, in one of the wedding colors (navy blue may be more practical for future use) and don't worry about matching the style. For one-on-one advice, go to what2wearwhere.com, where Hilary Dick is willing and able to help you further. ~Didi

Do you have a Question for Didi? Visit her at NewportManners.com, where Didi researches etiquette and all matters of manners for her book, “Newport Etiquette." If your Question is used, we can withhold your name and/or address. Do explore Didi's earlier columns by typing Didi Lorillard in the upper right hand corner of this page. Or scroll down below.