Newport Manners & Etiquette: Empower Better Student Social Skills With Super Good Manners,+ More
Wednesday, September 06, 2017
Back to school manners to keep in mind
Q. Not to boast, but our son is extremely intelligent. However, he seems to lack certain social skills. As parents, what can we do to help him fit in better? PW, Seattle
A. If you're one of those parents like me who fears that their child is not ready to soar out on their own, there are steps you can take to give him a stronger edge for social success. The earlier you start teaching the social skills you want him to have, the greater the reward.
- Early on help him to identify and discuss his emotions, and to be able to self soothe, wait patiently, problem solve, delay gratification, and maintain control over his emotions.
- Good manners and social skills will take him a long way with his teachers as well as the other students. He should be able to carry on a conversation with a person of any age. And be able to stick up for a friend by speaking up. He should know when to keep a secret and when to refuse to keep a secret.
- Talk about the importance of being a good listener, and when to recognize when he's made a mistake and needs to apologize.
- He should be able to talk over a disappointment or disagreement and be able to say I love you and give a big hug to those who are that special to him.
- Help him to understand that there will be times when he has to be flexible and go to a contingency plan if something doesn't pan out as planned.
Whether preparing a young child or young adult for school or college, having good manners on their mind will give him a leg up when it comes to getting along with others. Manners are about consideration:
- Hold the door open for people.
- When walking never crossover in front of another person, because you could trip them up.
- Let women on elevators and escalators first.
- When talking face-to-face remove earbuds and sunglasses.
- Never touch or push people away, unless the touch was inappropriate.
- Don't ask personal questions, such as how much do your parents make?
- Get comfortable with hand shaking and introducing himself by saying, "Hello, my name is ..." when he meets someone new.
- Make introductions if you're not positive that people know one another. Even if he just says, "Jack this is Oscar."
- Don't whisper in front of another person: it's rude.
- Basic table manners: eating with a knife and fork, not blowing his nose at the table, and not chewing with his mouth open.
- Always, say Please, Thank you, You're Welcome, and "Excuse me, please."
Parent sitting mom and dad
Q. I am the 35-year-old second son of parents who had a contentious divorce. My siblings are married with children and live plane rides away. I, however, am between both parents geographically. I have a two-hours drive either north or south from my house to one parent or the other. I do the lions share of the parent sitting. It has become my lot in life to entertain them separately twice a month. Since I am a workaholic, it means four Saturdays a month are spent with one or the other. I have no life outside work. How do I ween them before they get too old when I'll be feeling even more guilty? Name Withheld
A. Gently. I'm assuming since the divorce was difficult that they don't talk -- so you are in luck. Try whittling down your visits to holidays. Start by begging off one Saturday a month, bringing you down to having two Saturdays when you're fancy free. Once they get used to not planning on seeing you so often, they'll start making other plans. Eventually they'll get the idea that you have a social life that doesn't include them.
Whittling down your Saturday obligations may take some socializing on your part.
Best hospitality advice
Q. When a waiter is carrying something or briskly walking past to fetch an order, is it correct etiquette for him or her to crossover in front of an approaching guest? We have great discussions about this at the restaurant where I work because we've had a lot accidents when waitstaff collided with guests? Who has the right of way, the waiter or the guest? CD, Newport, RI
A. The guest or client has the right of way. It goes along with "the customer is always right." Waitstaff should be trained to respect the guests in the restaurant by letting them pass through first.
Disclosing a friends illness
Q. A friend of mine wrote me (along with her other close friends) a letter announcing that she had a brain tumor and didn't expect to be around at Christmas. At our garden club meeting, one of her other close friends, who happens to be the club president, got up in front of all the other members and announced the pending death of our absent friend.
Was the club president using correct etiquette by announcing her imminent death to members who hadn't received the sad, sweet note? Or am I being overly sensitive? Shouldn't the dying person have a modicum of control over who knows what when? Name Withheld
A. Being all for full disclosure (for the most part), I don't personally think it was a misstep by the president of the garden club to disclose a secret that would be outed as some point by Christmas. Is it possible that the terminally ill member gave her consent?
Why not suggest that the garden club organize a meal project and fill her calendar with volunteers bringing meals. Before doing so you would, of course, have to tell the terminally ill patient about your plan. Which means mentioning that the whole garden club knows about her brain tumor.
You might find that she welcomes the ultra short visits from her garden club comrades. Just be sure that you have a list of her favorite foods as well as those she dislikes.
Didi Lorillard researches manners and etiquette at NewportManners for her forthcoming book NEWPORT MANNERS.
Related Slideshow: 20 Things to Look Forward to This Fall in New England - 2017
The Changing of the Leaves
One of the cool things about the fall season is the leaves on the trees and the colors that they change too.
According to smokeymountain.com, prime foliage season in New England is late September into early October.
Look forward to an enjoyable walk around the neighborhood and see how many different colors you can pick out, or just enjoy the beauty.
The fall season signifies the return of pumpkins. Pumpkin beer, pumpkin pie and most of all pumpkin picking.
Pumpkin picking is a timeless event for families, especially those with young kids who will love to just run around and grab whichever pumpkin looks good to them.
Sam Adams Octoberfest Beer
One of the fun things about the changing of seasons is the changing of beer flavors and with fall comes Sam Adams Octoberfest.
The Oktoberfest idea was born in 1810 when Munich celebrated the Crown Prince's wedding with a 16-day party with a special beer.
Sam Adams builds off of that idea with a beer that is perfect for the season.
Phantom Gourmet Food Festival
The Phantom Gourmet Food Festival is an event to look forward too and it will be held on September 12 from 12- 4 p.m. on two streets next to Fenway Park.
Tickets are $40 in advance and online and will go up to $50 at the event.
The ticket includes sampling 100 of Phantom's foods from hot dogs and pizza to pulled pork and more. Beer and wine will be served on the street.
Get more information here.
The New England Patriots Return
The NFL returns and that means the defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots are back.
The Patriots have won two of the last three Super Bowls and are heavily favored to win another this season.
The Patriots kick off their season on Thursday, September 7 against the Kansas City Chiefs.
A great fall family event, especially those with young kids, is apple picking.
Nothing more fun than grabbing the nicest looking apple that you can find, giving it a quick wash off and then biting into it. Delicious.
Fall Boat Ride to Block Island
Though the summer weather is winding down, there is still great weather coming and great opportunities to get on the ferry and head over to Block Island for the day, or maybe even multiple days.
Fall trips to Block Island are something to look forward too.
Click here for more information.
Attend Waterfire in Providence
Summer may be nearing the end, but Waterfire
Waterfire is the premiere event in Providence and if you haven't gotten to one yet during the summer or fall season, now is the time to plan.
Waterfire is a great night out with different vendors, music and other entertainment lining the city streets while the river is lit up by the fire. For a really romantic and fun night, hop on a gondola ride.
The Return of Your Favorite TV Shows
One of the down sides of summer is that there is very little to watch on TV as far as new shows go. Thank goodness for Netflix and or HBO on demand.
However, the return of the fall season means the return of all the popular TV shows like Gotham, Game of Thrones, Arrow and several others.
Look forward to having something to watch at night after a long day at work.
Who's not looking forward to Halloween? Not looking forward to dressing up as your favorite character or as just a very spooky looking person and going out and collecting candy to last you days, months and longer.
Who isn't looking to forward to decorating their houses to make it the creepiest house on the block.
Halloween is great for kids and adults alike and is certainly something to look forward to.
Great Golf Weather Remaining
The end of Summer does not mean the end of golf season.
The fall is a great time of year for golfing at Harbor Lights or any of the courses across the state.
The fall offers some of the best golfing weather of the year, not too hot and not too cold.
Golf season has not left.
Harpoon Brewery Oktoberfest in Boston
Harpoon Brewery will hold their 27th annual Octoberfest from September 29 through September 30.
The event will feature Harpoon brews, bratwursts, chicken dancing and German chocolate cake eating contests as well as Oompah music.
Harpoon Brewery is located at 306 Northern Ave in Boston.
Click here for more information or for tickets.
Roger Waters at TD Garden
One of the musical highlights of the fall season is rock n' roll legend Roger Waters coming to Boston's TD Garden.
The former Pink Floyd star will play two shows in Boston, the first on Wednesday, September 27 and the second on Thursday, September 28.
King Richards Faire
Dive into history at King Richard's Faire, New England's oldest and largest Renaissance Festival and most beloved annual fall event. Dress up, play games and learn a lot at a fair that is a great fall event for the entire family.
The Fair runs from September 2 through October 22.
Jack-O-Lantern Spectacular at Roger Williams Park Zoo
What better way to spend a fall evening than strolling through Roger Williams Park Zoo and viewing some cool Jack-O-Lanterns.
The Jack-O-Lantern Spectacular at Roger Williams Park is a Rhode Island and New England Fall staple featuring thousands of illuminated pumpkins from October 5 to November 5 with admission from 6 p.m. to 10:30 p.m.
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