Newport Manners & Etiquette: Old Fashioned Etiquette + Manners Revisited
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
How to get ahead without seeming pushy
Q. Any tips to getting ahead without appearing too pushy? I'm bored with my job and I'm looking to find a more satisfying one within the same organization. I love what I do and I know I could make more money and take on more responsibility, but I lack the confidence to push ahead.
When I asked a colleague higher up on the food chain for advice, he said to keep my nose to the grindstone, but he didn't say how long it would be before I'd see results. I'm taking classes after work and on weekends to strengthen my skills. What more should I be doing? Should I look for another job and quit? AJ, Miami
A. Longing for a more fulfilling job is not pushy. Nobody wants to be bored. Or feel undervalued and under-appreciated.
- Don't quite until you have another job.
- Don't make excuses for mistakes and negligence.
- Don't wait for permission to act, steam ahead.
- Don't be a know-it-all when your boss is older.
- Don't look for unwanted attention.
- Don't duck conflict.
- Don't be needy for praise.
- Don't put off tasks.
- Don't pass judgment on others.
- Don't let a lack of resources get in your way.
- Don't act too laid-back and comfortable.
Applying to nursery school
Q. We are applying our eldest son to nursery schools. It is a very competitive environment and because most of the spots are being held for legacies, we're looking to put our best feet forward. There is one school in particular where we've been told Timmy is at the top of the waitlist and we're wondering how to stand out.
Specifically, I would like to know about sending thank-you notes as follow up to the interviews. We have had no paper contact with the schools, meaning no stamped envelopes in the mailbox from them, because all the communication has been on the phone or through email.
I dutifully sent heartfelt thank-you emails to every school within a week of the interview, but now I'm wondering if I should have written handwritten letters mailed in envelopes and stamped. Should I write a more personal handwritten note? BM, San Francisco
A. Answering an email with an email is the way to go, but in this case, where you're feeling the pressure to do more, follow your instincts. Take out your best personal writing paper and handwrite a genuinely appreciative thank-you note to the interviewer. Thank the person for the privilege of their time.
You can never thank people enough.
Q. Recently I had reconstruction on both of my breasts following mastectomies. Prior to the operations I was a very physical and hug-gy type of person. Like a bear, I warmly responded to practically everyone with outstretched arms. Now I'm afraid to hug people because my reconstructed breasts are too firm. Even my husband and kids tease me. I'm wondering how to use body language to show people that I wanna' hug, but leave my breasts out of it? Name Withheld
A. Take charge, the left-armed hug could be useful. Depending upon the height of the person who is approaching you for a hug, have a side-by-side hug. With your right arm reaching under their left armpit going around his back to hug the side under the right armpit for a hand hug on his side; or if you're taller, wrap your arm around their neck and hold their shoulder with the palm of your hand.
By taking control you can stand side-by-side keeping the person at a distance from your breasts but they can still feel the warmth of your arm and hand holding their body. With practice, it will become your new signature hug.
Dating Table Manners
Q. My bro says I have terrible table manners and I eat like a slob. He thinks one of the reasons women breakup with me is because my manners are anti-social. He says he won't be seen at a restaurant with me. Is he just kidding me? Bill, Providence
A. Table manners for formal occasions, business events and in restaurants are more rigid than dining at home with friends. Nonetheless, you should know that surveys found that when millennials were asked whether good or bad table manners were important in a partner, the overwhelming response was clear: bad table manners were a deal-breaker/date-breaker.
- Why? Because table manners are near impossible to change. We learn eating habits from a very early age; they become so engrained that bad habits are hard to break.
- Follow other people's lead. For instance watch how your bro behaves and eats to see what he's complaining about.
- Your future partner is not going to fall out of love with you because you have bad table manners, which she knows she won't be able to break.
- Looking for love? Here are simple tips any bro should know and remember:
- Bad table manners rank higher on the list of dating no-nos than any other complaint.
- Don't assume everyone is a sharer, so don't take food off of another person's plate.
- In a group remember to talk to everyone not just one person.
- Put your napkin in your lap and don't leave it on the table until you leave the table.
- Don't stretch your arm across anyone at the table to reach for anything including the salt and pepper.
Don't talk with your mouth full of food.
Didi Lorillard researches manners and etiquette and NewportManners
Related Slideshow: 25 Things to Look Forward to This Spring in New England - 2018
One of the best parts about Spring and Summer is the return of Waterfire
Providence WaterFire has grown to be an iconic Rhode Island event. Starting out in 1994 to celebrate it has grown to run continuously, once a month, from May-November and boasts over 80 blazing fires in the middle of the Providence River.
Playing Golf at Harbor Lights
Tee it up at Harbor Lights Country Club and dive right into golf season.
The Spring is a great time to get warmed up and get some swings in before the heart of the season hits in the summer.
Enjoy being back out on the course. Save the super serious golf for the summer.
Lower Heating Bills
As winter will come to a close New Englanders could look forward to spending less money on heating bills.
Although the bitter cold is hitting New England hard, and also therefore hitting their wallets hard, this brutal cold streak will soon come to an end and we'll be able to turn down our thermostats save some cash.
photo credit: Images Money/Flickr
Get your rods and reels ready because with the approach of warmer weather comes the return of fishing seasons. While some New England states allow for fishing year round, many New England states have opening days for trout fishing that begin in early April. Although there is still a plentiful amount of snow on the ground, fishing season is right around the corner.
photo credit: Grand River Conservation Authority/Flickr
Bicycling on the Central Mass Rail Trail
Once the streets are clear of ice and snow and the temperatures rise, one of the most fun things to do in New England is to jump on a bike and go for a nice long ride. There are plenty of bike paths to explore at your leisure, and many cities like Providence, Boston, and Worcester are beginning to make city streets much more bike friendly.
The Volvo Ocean Race is a 45,000 nautical mile sailing race that takes its teams around the world, across four oceans, touching six continents and 12 Host Cities.
The Volvo Ocean Race Newport Stopover will be a chance for visitors to view the world’s top sailors and race boats during the 12-day event in Newport.
The Newport Stopover will take place from May 8 to the 20.
Walking the Newport Cliff Walk
The Cliff Walk is one of Newport’s most famous attractions is its gilded age mansions lining the coast. Entry to the mansions will cost a fee, but with the Cliff Walk, you can enjoy views of the mansions with amazing views of the water all for free.
The 3.5 mile long path runs behind the mansions on the eastern shore of Newport. It is a National Recreation Trail – the first in New England! The majority of the walk is easy, but be sure to wear good shoes; the sand can make the path slippery.
Outdoor Dining at Boat House Restaurant in Newport
Newport Restaurant Group made this a must-visit spot several years ago and now the expected accolades have followed.
The views of Mount Hope Bay are unparalleled.
Enjoy a nice glass of wine with some lobster fritters that had sweet corn and a chipotle mayo and followed that with pan-roasted George’s Bank scallops with a delightful spring pea risotto, pea greens from Allen Farm and a citrus emulsion.
Spring Vacation on Block Island
Get away from the hustle and bustle of the world and take a spring vacation to Block Island and enjoy all they have to offer.
Maybe a spa? a swim? Some shopping? there are plenty of options.
If Block Island doesn't do it for you, Newport is also a great place to take a break.
Or maybe do both.
Visiting Arcadia National Park in Maine
People have been drawn to the rugged coast of Maine throughout history. Awed by its beauty and diversity, early 20th-century visionaries donated the land that became Acadia National Park.
The park is home to many plants and animals, and the tallest mountain on the U.S. Atlantic coast.
Visit Acadia and hike granite peaks, bike historic carriage roads, or relax and enjoy the scenery.
The 7th annual Newport Craft Beer Festival is set for Friday, April 27 and Saturday, April 28 at Newport Storm Brewery.
The event will bring in brewers from as far away as California and as close as Newport.
It is a 21+ celebration.
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