Newport Manners & Etiquette: Six Toasting Etiquette Tips + More
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
Accidents happen
Q. At our holiday party an elegant elderly gentleman went to put his glass of red wine on our coffee table and something awful happened. The full glass of red wine tumbled and splashed on to our new beige Stark carpet. Being the distinguished gentleman that he is, he offered to pay for having the carpet cleaned. He said to please send him the bill or email him the amount and he'll send us a check. The cost of the cleaning is a couple of hundred dollars. The guest is many years retired living on a fixed income and we want to know the etiquette on handling the reimbursement? He won't believe how expensive cleaning the red wine stains out of our carpet actually was. JG, Wilton, CT.
A. First off, serving red wine to people stationed on a new beige rug is risky business. Even if the red vino had splattered on ten-year-old light colored carpeting. You took the risk, you knew the consequences. Compromise. Email him to say that cleaning the rug cost you half of what you actually paid to have the stains removed. Or let it slide. If I were you, I would not send him the bill or ask him to pay a cent. If, as you say, he is a gentleman, he'll send you a small check or a glorious arraignment of flowers in return for your forgiveness.
What are you doing New Years Eve?
Q. What do you do when someone in conversation at a holiday party invites you and your boyfriend to come for dinner with she and her husband on New Year's Eve, but there was no follow up? I said, Yes, Yes, but I now realize she was trying to find out which of her friends were available. In planning her New Year's Eve dinner party she was feeling the waters to find out who might help her pull together an interesting evening. I realize this. Is it my job to follow up to ask what time should we arrive and what can we bring? Or do we make other plans? Annie, Brooklyn
A. Have a backup plan. It is the host's job to follow up with an email or phone call telling you what time to arrive. That will give you the opening to thank them for the invitation and to ask what you can contribute. If you are not assigned something to bring, such as a bottle of champagne, a six-pack of beer, a platter of cheese and crackers, or dessert, offer the host a couple of choices.
Tips for the best toasts
Q. In a nutshell, I need tips on giving a toast. As a guest at a New Year's Eve dinner party, how do I go about giving a toast? TB, Charleston, SC
A. Six top etiquette tips for toasting:
- Ahead of time practice what you wish to say. Even if it is as simple as "Let's all raise our glasses to our hosts Marjorie and William!" Practice what you plan to say ahead of time. Do not ever read a toast.
- The host usually gives the welcoming toast. If he or she hasn't made a toast by dessert, any guest can start the toasting by praising the hosts for such a delicious dinner.
- Rise to the occasion. When there are more than four guests at the table, stand with your glass in your hand and straighten out your arm toward the center of the table to ask your fellow guests to raise their glasses in toasting your hosts, Marjorie and William, for a splendid New Year's Eve.
- Clinking of the glasses usually is not done when there are more than six guests at the table because the logistics don't allow for clinking everyone's glass without walking around the table.
- Make the toast all about the host(s) and not about yourself. You can say, "It is an honor for me to toast our hosts ...." The exception would be if you didn't know most of the guests, only then would you say, "As William's oldest brother, George, I would like to thank William and Marjorie for having me to stay over New Year's and giving me the opportunity to meet all of you."
- The best toasts are short and to the point, and no more than two minutes long. They should never be maudlin, even if there was a recent death in the family. Find the right toast to make all the guests smile. You're not roasting the person, you're toasting him. It goes without saying that you would never embarrass your host with tales about how naughty and wild he was in his youth, or about his former sweethearts.
A few quick simple toasts:
- May the best of this year be the worst of next.
- May it be the best year yet for you, and everything you do may prosper.
- Let's drink to the maker of the feast, our friend and host. May his generous heart, like his good wine, only grow mellower with the years.
- May the roof above us never fall in, and may we friends gathered below never fall out. -an old Irish saying
- To the sun that warmed the vineyard, to the juice that turned to wine, to the host that cracked the bottle, and made it yours and mine.
Last-minute presents for children
Q. As the childless aunt and uncle invited to spend a family Christmas, we're not up on what to give the four young nieces and nephews. Can you help us with suggestions, please? AG, Boston
A. When in doubt give books. Books are the best gifts because if you know the ages of the children it is easy to find an age appropriate book for each child. Give a parent the receipt for the books so that the child can exchange the book for a different one, if he all ready has it. Having the new books on hand on Christmas day will give you the opportunity to read their new books to the younger children. On the other hand, email the parent for recommendations and suggestions -- for instance, a board book for a toddler, a beginner chapter book for a child learning to read, a young adult book, etc.
Didi Lorillard researches manners and etiquette at NewportManners.
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