Newport Manners + Etiquette: The Question of Threesomes

Wednesday, August 07, 2013

Didi Lorillard, GoLocalWorcester Manners + Etiquette Expert

Her best friend wants have a threesome with her and her beau, should she be suspicious?

August is a hot time for dating etiquette, manners for barking dogs, preparing to attend a Newport Labor Day Wedding and remembering old friends—just some of the topical trends at Didi Lorillard's NewportManners.com this week.

Agreeing on a threesome

Dear Didi,

This is very personal, but I want to ask you because you seem very in tune with the times. My best girlfriend wants to have a threesome with my boyfriend and me. It sounds kind of exciting but I don't know how to phrase the question to my boyfriend. I am also concerned as to whether she is interested in me or is she interested in my boyfriend? I don't mind if she is interested in me, but not so thrilled by the idea that she might be interested in my boyfriend. What to do...? Confused, Manhattan

Dear Confused,

Life is all about choices. Should you get into this deeper, you could lose your best girlfriend. Or you could lose your boyfriend. The worst-case scenario is that you lose both. If the boyfriend is a boytoy, then what do you have to lose––if the relationship does not survive? Assume that during a MFF some level of kinkiness is inevitable.

Those experiences aren't usually planned. They happen. Or not. Ask yourself, will you feel bad, if you're––all of a sudden––the odd woman out? Badly enough not to experiment? Talk to your boyfriend. Say, "My best friend wants us to have a threesome. What do you think? Are you in?" For him, it could be intimidating and ego-deflating having to please two women. Suggest that the three of you agree on a safety word, such as 'seagull.' ~Didi

Neighbor's barking dog

Dear Didi

Every summer with the invasion of short-term renters, some own a barking dog. The dogs are in a new place. They bark when their owner stays out too long. The early morning barking is the worst. You don't want to call the cops, because summer renters help the economy. What do I do? J.P., Newport

Dear J.P.,

Each ward (section of town) has a 'community' police officer ready, willing, and able to listen to your complaint. Call the police station and ask to speak to the 'community officer' in your neighborhood. No doubt, he'll make a friendly visit to the barking dog's master to amicably settle the problem of his barking dog. ~Didi

Condolences to estranged old friends?

Dear Didi,

I was friends with a family for many years until we had a falling out a couple of years ago and have not spoken since. My husband and I have just learned of the husband's father's passing, and we would like to send flowers to the "ex" friends, so to speak, because we know the relationship they had with the father was a sad one. Would this be appropriate? C.S., Fairhaven, MA

Dear C.S.,

Go with your gut feeling. By sending flowers you are opening the door to further communication with your former friends. Because sending expensive flowers could be perceived as a move toward rekindling the friendship and making a rapprochement. Whereas, if you send a simple condolence card with just your names, it would be less attention grabbing. Flowers are a symbol of love. A card is a formality. The former friends don't necessarily have to acknowledge a card from a former friend, but to have accepted flowers may make them feel they have to respond with a thank-you note or phone call. Are you ready for that? ~Didi

What to Wear to A Labor Day Newport Wedding

Hi Didi,

I am going to an evening wedding in Newport, RI, Labor Day weekend and I am in my early 40's. I was thinking of wearing a dressy knit maxi Tommy Bahama dress. Would that be appropriate or do I need something dressier? J.A., Providence

Dear J.A.,

Maxi cocktail dresses are tres chic, tres fabu and thus popular this summer. Wear beautiful shoes and carry a small clutch bag. Is a knit maxi dressy enough, you ask? Well, look at the invitation. If it says Black Tie or Formal Attire, you would need a dressier cocktail dress in, say, a just-above-the-knee chiffon. Unless you're talking about the new Tommy Bahama Tambour Caravan Across Maxi Dress or the Tambour Mitered Touch Long Dress; although, we do rather like the Embroidered Halter Maxi Dress, the Wiltern Waves Waterfall Maxi Dress and the Coral Jungle Maxi Dress as well. ~Didi

Do you have a question? Email it to [email protected] or visit her at NewportManners.com. If we use your question, we can withhold your name and address. Didi researches etiquette and all matters of manners for her book, "Newport Etiquette." Prior weekly GoLocal columns are listed below. More topics can be accessed through a search.