Newport Manners & Etiquette: Tips for Hiring A Nanny

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Didi Lorillard, GoLocalWorcester Manners + Etiquette Expert

Q. My maternity leave is up and I’m going back to work and looking for tips for hiring a nanny. We want to be sure our children are safe and happy. Do we really have to go through an agency? What if it doesn’t work out and I find myself back at work? I.S., LA

A. Here are tips for hiring a nanny in a smooth and somewhat stress-free manner. First decide how many hours you’ll be needing the nanny. Will she be a live-in or live-out nanny? Will she be on call 24 hours, workweek days only, or just part time when you need her. How many hours a day will she be working?

Then write up a list of what qualities and skills you wish for in a nanny — a nursing degree, first aid training, a driver’s license, a perfect driving record (no speeding tickets), can cook vegan, has experience with babycare (getting the baby to sleep through the night) and potty training, can help with homework, is fluent in English and will read to the children, is bilingual, plays a musical instrument, knows how to discipline and has the disposition of a Mary Poppins?

When your children are older, what should the nanny be able to teach your children: table manners, how to read, write, do simple math, swim, ride a bicycle, throw a ball, kick a soccer ball, play the violin or piano, and speak a second language? What are her views on discipline?

Think up specific scenarios ahead of time and ask her how she would handle the situation. In what way would she encourage good manners? By promoting ‘please, thank you and you’re welcome’? Does she have skilled babycare experience and know how to comfort the baby or toddler into sleeping through the night? How would she handle an above normal temperature?

If you travel or live in a different place during the summer and other vacations or holidays, would she be able to accompany your children, or does she have responsibilities that could limit her availability, such as caring for a partner or elderly relative? Likewise, would she be willing to spend the night if you were on a business trip? Should you have a dog, would she be willing to watch over the dog playing with the children?

Then add a list of issues you would NOT want to discover about your nanny — she’s a smoker. She doesn’t have a clean driving record — including speeding tickets. Does she in fact have a driver’s license? How about her recent job references? Does she have medical or mental health issues, and/or poor personal hygiene? Does she use good grammar and would be helpful with homework? Does she have good manners? Does she smell of tobacco, pot, and/or alcohol? Does her overcoat smell of cigarette smoke? Does she use any medications?

Is she cheerful? Does she have a sunny disposition? Is she smiling while she’s interacting with the children or does she have a dour look on her face?

In the meantime, you should also be putting together a budget, by calculating what expenses should be incorporated: daily expenses (ice cream cones in the park, bus fare), yearly raise, end of the year bonus, vacation time off, taxes, social security. Does she require time and a half for overtime, if you need her to work late or on weekends or holidays?

Find out the going weekly rate in your area as well as what taxes you’ll be responsible for and plan to put money for them aside. Will she be using one of your debit cards or will she have access to petty cash? Will you provide her with a cellphone and pay the monthly charges directly?

Are you overwhelmed yet? Don’t be. Once you’ve been through the process and met with success, it will be a breeze should you have to do hire another nanny someday.

Create a cheerful and realistic job description that includes household responsibilities and duties, such as laundry, cooking and clean-up after meals, making beds, vacuuming, picking up dry cleaning and food shopping. Any responsibility relating to childcare and the children’s routine, would be appropriate — but not, say, washing the car or mowing the lawn. However, you need to mention the family pet, if you have one.

If any of your children have allergies or medical issues, make it clear from the start that there is a serious ongoing health concern that she will have to be vigilant about at all times.

Network with friends and colleagues to find out the going rate and where to place and find help wanted ads for nannies online and off, such as through your hospital, school, or a reputable childcare employment agency.

The best recommendations are from previous employers. Call every reference to verify dates and responsibilities, and especially the reason why the nanny left or was let go. There might be two different spins on the story, hers and theirs. You may have to weigh the merits.

Ask if there are any red flags to watch out for, such as tardiness, too much time off for an illness, or not being able to control the children. Did the former employer ever catch the nanny in a lie?

There is often a logical explanation when a family moves away or the children are suddenly in school all day long and the nanny’s hours would be shortened if she stayed on.

Meet in a neutral setting, such as a coffee shop, and read the candidates body language, including the ability to make eye contact. Register her social skills. When you’ve narrowed down the candidates to two or three, invite them separately to your house to help them understand how your household is run. It will give you a chance to ask detailed questions about her childcare philosophies and her former employers.

Watch the candidate interacting with your children. Listen to how often she uses the word ‘no’ and other negative words. Did she ask to wash her hands before she held the baby? How did she react to the family pet? How is her grammar? Does she say ‘please,’ ‘thank you,’ and ‘you’re welcome’? Because if she doesn’t, your children won’t.

The background check should include:

Confirmation of Identity

Social Security Number Verification

Criminal Records Check

Sex Offender Registry

Civil Records Search – to find any judgements placed against the candidate

Credit Check

Reference Checks

Educational and License Verification

Social Media Search

You can do the candidate’s background check online at sites such as:

NannyBackgroundCheck.com

Or let an employment agency specializing in nannies find the ideal candidates for you. Tell the agency exactly what your expectations are, and do the final interviews yourself.

When you think you’ve found the right fit and the background check is clean, offer the nanny a two-week trial and notify the runner-up that you think the job has been filled; thank them for their time.

Often employers will compensate a runner-up with a small check or cash in compensation for their time and transportation cost to and from your house. Keep the runner-up’s contact information on file as a backup or to give to a friend. ~Didi

Do you have a dilemma for Didi about love, family, a relationship or life in general? Visit NewportManners.com, where Didi researches etiquette and all matters of manners for her book, "Newport Etiquette." If your Question is posted , we can withhold your name and/or location. Do explore some of Didi Lorillard's earlier columns listed below.