Newport Manners + Etiquette: Umbrella Etiquette for April Showers

Thursday, April 04, 2013

Didi Lorillard, GoLocalProv Manners + Etiquette Expert

April showers don't just bring May flowers... they bring umbrella etiquette challenges. Stay on the sunny side of your fellow travelers with Didi's counsel.

Wedding Etiquette questions poured in with April showers and Umbrella Etiquette, and there's no doubting that spring is in the air at Newport Manners this month. Didi Lorillard also suggests how to be the best dinner party guest and advises a pregnant mother seeking dress code for a wedding.

Umbrella étiquette

Dear Didi,

What's the drill on umbrella etiquette these days? T.O., Manhattan

Dear T. O.,

In a nutshell, umbrella etiquette is all about consideration.

Do make sure the size of your umbrella fits the occasion so you're not filling up more than your share of space; golf umbrellas belong on golf courses and at rock concerts and jazz festivals; totes and fashion umbrellas are for town, uptown and down.

Do point the tip (ferrule) of the collapsed umbrella down toward the ground while opening.

Do keep to the right when walking on a sidewalk with your umbrella.

Do position an unfolded umbrella between you and the oncoming gusts of wind, either in front of you—or to the left or right of you—to keep it from turning inside-out.

Do watch for oncoming pedestrians and monitor the two-tier positioning: adjust in advance of the next approaching umbrolly. (Over 33 million umbrellas are sold every year in the USA alone.)

Do remember that when walking side-by-side with another umbrella carrier, your brolly is not a weapon. One could conceivably take out an eye, if you're oblivious to the height of your bumbershoot.

Do close your umbrella upon entering any sheltered area; but tap the tip on the ground first—before strapping in the ribs—to drain rain.

Do fasten the strap before placing it in an umbrella stand to avoid entanglement when rivaling velcro patches become mismatched, and accidentally attached.

Do be aware of where you place your wet umbrella when a resting place isn't evident, because it could leave a pool of water; it's best not to rest it on a rug or wood floor or furniture.

Do be careful walking with a swinging closed umbrella that you don't stab the man behind you in the nuts with a blow of your metal tip.

Do walk with your umbrella straight down as though it was a walking stick too short for balancing every step.

Do raise your folded umbrella when riding an escalator because if it gets caught, it could bring you down. ~Didi

Does the groom have to ask permission?

Dear Didi,

My fiancé just asked me to marry him. He knows my parents, but they live in Hyannis, MA. Meaning over the past two years we've had dinner with them here in LA and we've stayed at their house when we've come East. The problem is that he didn't ask my parents first, so I can't just call them up and tell them. Doesn't he have to talk to my dad? What do I do? I need to know fast. Erin, Los Angeles, CA

Dear Erin,

I know you're bursting with joy, and it must be hard not to tell your parents right away. Ask your fiancé gently and sweetly if he would please make you even happier by calling your dad and asking his permission. Say, "You don't have to ask my dad in person, because of the distance, but my dad's a New Englander and he's not going to change. I need you to do me a huge favor and call him. He'll respect the fact that you're asking him and make it easy for you." ~Didi

How to be the perfect dinner guest

Dear Didi,

I've been invited to the boss's house for a dinner party in Barrington. We get along great, but the words 'dinner party' are stressing me out. E.S., Warwick

Dear E.S.,

Here are 7 simple ways in which you can make yourself such a good dinner guest that you'll be asked back.

Do give the host an answer as soon as you know you can come, but make sure he/she and you are the same page as to whether you're bringing a guest, your dog, or coming solo. Showing up with an uninvited plus one, no matter what the species, can be annoying.

Do arrive on time and look well-groomed. But you don't have to bring a present because you work for the host.

Do ask the host if there is anything you can do to help? If not now, then let it be known that you are willing and able at any time to pitch in and help. That way the host knows he/she can ask Alex to put a log on the fire, John to carve the roast, or Diana to serve the cake or uncork the champagne.

Do be a self-sustainting guest. When you have food allergies or restrictions, leave them at home. Eat a light meal ahead of time and then pick and choose what you can or cannot eat once you're at the party. The only polite time to register your food allergies is when you accept the invitation; that's when you say, "I'm allergic to shellfish, but I can grab a bite to eat before I come." In other words, one's dietary woes should not be the lead topic of dinner table conversation.

Do leave your cellphone in your overcoat pocket. It is not polite to have any device at the table. For business or any other important call you would be expecting (baby sitter, teenager, etc.) leave your phone on vibrate; keep it discreetly in your handbag or pocket, tuned to vibrate. It will gently let you know that someone needs your attention. Excuse yourself from the table and briefly leave the room.

Do send a thank-you note, text, or email to your host recapping your best memories of the dinner. ~Didi

The dilemma of the pregnant wedding guest

Hi Didi,

My husband's cousin is getting married in late May in Chicago. There will be a 3:00 PM church wedding with a 6:00 PM reception. The invitation has no mention of black tie at all. By the time of the wedding I will be 6 weeks away from giving birth, we'll be traveling from 5 hours away with a 5-year-old, and 23 month old, and I don't want to overpack. I'm 5'9" with a normally hour glass figure. (So far into this pregnancy I have gained a very small amount of weight and still have a small waist but of course my breasts are getting larger by the day but I am still well-proportioned. For now. LOL) I have no idea what to wear. Do I need to have two different dresses? P.G., Cleveland, OH

Dear P.G.,

No, you don't have to wear two different dresses. When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses, which means a knee-length or tea-length cocktail dress. If you have a solid black knee-length maternity skirt, you can wear it with a pretty overblouse, or as they call them a 'fashion blouse,' because they button down the back.

Not that you have time with two small kids, but when they're asleep go to the Rosie Pope Web site for examples of how you can utilize what you may already have in your closet. There is a satin lavender 'Romantic Top' that is so pretty, you'll want to wear it even after the baby's born. Add a beautiful pair of ballerina flats and you're set to go. They also have a knee-length black wrap dress, 'Solid Coco Wrap Dress,' that you would be able to get a lot of use out of with the ballerina flats as well.

The wrap dress and the romantic blouse are both great options. And remember nobody is going to expect you to buy an outfit for one occasion. By the way, I have no ties to Rosie Pope, I just think it is a great user-friendly mom-to-be-again site for fashion tips. It's easier to send you there, than explain the look that you may already have in your closet. Remember, it's not a really formal wedding. ~Didi

We like hearing from you at NewportManners.com and if we use your question, we're happy to post it anonymously. Your important queries help other readers make better choices. Didi researches contemporary etiquette and all matters of manners. Or you can ask them on Didi Lorillard's Facebook page or Twitter. Earlier GoLocalProv columns are listed below or can be accessed through search.