NewportManners: The Etiquette of Handling Selfies, Bullies, Engravings + GMOBs
Wednesday, August 09, 2017
Death and selfies
Q. To my horror and dismay my college student niece posted a selfie of she and my sister just after she passed away. I want to ask her to take this macabre selfie down but my husband and our sons say that it would be adding insult to injury. My sister would be mortified. What do you suggest? Name withheld, Cos Cob, CT
A. Allow your niece to grieve the loss of her mother in her own way and in her own time. For your niece's generation, (hold your breath) taking the selfie of she and her mother may help her to say goodbye and loosen the emotional bonds to a parent who has been a distinctively significant part of her life. Try to understand how a daughter experiences the loss of her mother. What does she feel she has lost with her mother's death? Your niece's reactions have an integrity and logic of their own. The selfie may seem strange to you if you don't consider that it reflects her age, the times in which she is living and how she experiences life.
As hard as it may be, keep all judgement to yourself. Disregard the selfie incident and let it go. Comfort your niece and try to understand the complexity of her grief. Lighten up her heart by telling her funny and interesting stories about her mother, to show how much you appreciated her, too.
You have a significant bond in common with your niece. Let her know that you are there for her whenever she needs someone who isn't judgmental to talk to. Not only did you and your niece lose your sister, but you both lost an important relationship, and in those relationships a sense of self that existed in those bonds.
Q. At our small tennis club we reserve a court over a block of time in order to assure a weekly game. Our tennis doubles group meets for a hour and a half and we reserve the same least windy court. Yesterday when we arrived to claim our court two guys were playing. Despite the fact that "our-turn-on-the-court" stare glared in the sunshine at them for 12 minutes, the two guys ignored us. We asked, "What number court are you supposed to be using." The old guy answered, "We don't know." After a snooty look, they moved to a vacant court. They were disrespectful of our time. We deliberated about how if we had been four men, would the two guys have been more respectful of our court time. How should we have handled this? AG, Stonington, CT
A. If you had spoken up sooner, they wouldn't have had to pretend to ignore you and your tennis buddies. A five minute wait is long enough. You were disappointed that they didn't ask if you all were waiting for the court. Obviously you were. Don't be intimidated by bullying tennis players.
Handling the grandmother-of-the-bride
Q. Does my mother have the right to make my brothers wear tuxedos for the sake of the photographs at my niece's wedding? MS, New York, New York
A. Your mother is looking at the big picture. Decades from now when children and grandchildren are looking at these wedding photos, your mother wants them to see the family traditionally dressed in what she considers proper wedding attire.
Should your mother be paying for the wedding, she may feel that she has a certain amount of control over details such as dress code. So, if that is the case, you cannot blame her.
On the other hand, traditionally, the mother-of-the-bride, along with the bride and groom decide on the dress code for the bridal party, as well as for the guests. So the vote would be two to one. Can you impress upon your mother to stick to the tradition that the dress code should be decided by mutual agreement between the wedding couple and their parents? If so, do try.
Another tradition you can remind everyone of, is that male guests can remove their tuxedo jackets (or whatever kind of jacket) after either the father-of-the-bride or the groom takes off theirs.
Q. We're looking for ideas for our wedding stationery. Since we were engaged in Newport and hosting our wedding in Newport, we thought you might be able to suggest styles for us.
A. Here are samples of engravers' styles recently seen in a shop in Paris called Stylo Bac, at 68 Rue du Bac, Paris 75007. As etiquette here in Newport was for the most part due to the influence of the French occupation during the American Revolution, we're keen on the French engravers.
Didi Lorillard researches manners and etiquette at NewportManners for her soon-to-be published guide to NEWPORTMANNERS.
Related Slideshow: 25 Things You Must do in New England Before the Summer Ends - 2017
Take a Wine Tour
Across New England
New England is home to some of the best wineries in the country from Newport Vineyards in Rhode Island to Westport Rivers Vineyards in Massachusetts.
You can hit them all on the Coastal Wine Trail.
The trail stretches from Cape Cod and the Islands through the South Coast of Massachusetts and Coastal Rhode Island and Coastal Connecticut.
Visit Worcester Art Museum
The Worcester Art Museum is offering free admission throughout the month of August, so take advantage.
“Free August” includes access for everyone to special exhibitions, the permanent galleries, and WAM’s August programming -- including Art + Market, tours, Art Carts, arms and armor demonstrations, and Nude Drawing in the Galleries.
Catch a Movie at the Rustic Drive-In
North Smithfield, RI
Call up your friends, pack a picnic, and sit in your car as feature films are projected along giant outdoor screens.
The audio plays right through your radio, so be sure to turn the volume up high as you snack on your candy and popcorn.
Visit Ben & Jerry's Factory Tour
Take a 30 minute tour of Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream factory in Vermont and see where your favorite flavors of ice cream are made. It is ice cream season after all.
The factory is open year round and admission is just $4 for adults, $3 for seniors and kids 12 and under are FREE.
Participate in the Worcester World Cup 2017
The 2017 Worcester World Cup is set to take place from Friday, August 11 to Sunday, August 13.
The Worcester World Cup is more than a soccer tournament. It's a celebration of Worcester and a safe, friendly family event that people look forward to all year.
Ride a Hot Air Balloon at Great Falls Balloon Festival
Get up to Maine and hop into a hot air balloon during the Great Falls Balloon Festival.
Visitors will have the chance to take a balloon ride high above the ground and watch the sun rise or set.
The festival takes place from August 19 to August 21.
Catch a Show at Cape Playhouse Theatre
Take a ride to Cape Cod and visit the oldest summer theatre in the country, Cape Playhouse. Cape Playhouse was first opened in 1927 by Raymond Moore.
The theatre has been home to some of the biggest stars to ever grace a stage like Bette Davis, Humphrey Bogart amongst others.
Providence WaterFire has grown to be an iconic Rhode Island event.
Starting out in 1994 to celebrate the 10th anniversary of First Night Providence, it has grown to run continuously, once a month, from May-November and boasts over 80 blazing fires in the middle of the Providence River.
WaterFire is a not-for-profit organization that aims to creatively transform Providence – and they do! Each event is accompanied with music by artists from around the world, varies food stands and art stands to browse as you stroll along the river.
Zip Line in the Berkshires
Need some extra excitement to close out the summer? Head to the Berkshires and get yourself on a zip line, maybe even do a canopy tour.
There are three different tour options, starting with the base area tour which lasts an hour or the Mountain Top or Valley Jump tour which takes three hours. Both of those are sure to shoot some adrenaline into your day.
Walk The Freedom Trail
The Freedom Trail is a two and a half mile walking tour that connects 16 significant Boston landmarks.
Interior access to the Freedom Trail's sites is also free, except for the Paul Revere House, the Old South Meeting House and the Old State House.
The Freedom Trail is a great way to get exercise, explore Boston and learn about history, all at the same time.
If you buy tickets online they are discounted at $12 for adults, $10 for students and $6.50 for kids ages 6-12.
See Billy Joel at Fenway Park
The must see concert of the summer, Billy Joel at Fenway Park on August 30.
Billy Joel released his first hit song, arguably still his biggest hit, Piano Man in 1973 an since has become the 6th best selling recording artist and the third best selling solo artist in the United States.
Joel was inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame in 1992 and then the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1999.
Seeing Joel would be a great way to cap off the summer.
Walk the Newport Cliff Walk
The Cliff Walk is one of Newport’s most famous attractions is its gilded age mansions lining the coast. Entry to the mansions will cost a fee, but with the Cliff Walk, you can enjoy views of the mansions with amazing views of the water all for free.
The 3.5 mile long path runs behind the mansions on the eastern shore of Newport. It is a National Recreation Trail – the first in New England! The majority of the walk is easy, but be sure to wear good shoes; the sand can make the path slippery.
PHOTO: Connie Ma/flickr
Visit Acadia National Park
People have been drawn to the rugged coast of Maine throughout history. Awed by its beauty and diversity, early 20th-century visionaries donated the land that became Acadia National Park.
The park is home to many plants and animals, and the tallest mountain on the U.S. Atlantic coast.
Visit Acadia and hike granite peaks, bike historic carriage roads, or relax and enjoy the scenery.
The park entrance fee is FREE from August 25th to the 28th.
Besides that, admission is $12 while those 15 and under are FREE of charge.
Play Golf at Harbor Lights
Last weeks of summer, be sure to get those final rounds of the season in at Harbor Lights.
Harbor Lights in Warwick offers golfers a great place to tee it up.
Not to mention the amazing scenery and the great food at the Par + Tackle restaurant.
Go to Royalston Falls
If you want a little bit of late summer adventure, hike to Royalston Falls in Royalston, MA.
The hike itself isn’t too long, but it can be challenging. It leads you to a remote gorge created by prehistoric glacial meltwater and 45 foot plunging waterfall within a half-hidden ravine. If you’re up for the adventure, the destination is far worth the trek.
Walk, Run or Bike the Blackstone River Bikeway
Runs from Worcester to Providence
The idea behind the Blackstone River Bikeway was to create a bike path running 48 miles, from Worcester to Providence along the National Heritage Corridor. It links the Blackstone River and the Blackstone Canal connect with the East Bay Bike Path in Rhode Island.
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