What College Would Batman Have Gone To?

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Saturday, November 20, 2010

Cristiana Quinn, GoLocalProv College Expert

As seniors and their parents wait anxiously for early decision and early action notifications, a friend’s 5-year old asked me a perplexing question “What college did Batman go to?” My mind began to wander; indeed where did Batman go to college? Clearly he was well educated and cultured, and what about the other super heroes?

The easiest to peg is Superman. As we all know, mild mannered Clark Kent is a news reporter by day and the protector of Gotham City by night. So naturally, Superman went to Columbia University in New York City and graduated from their top rated School of Journalism.

Spiderman gets more intricate. He is probably the result of too many hours spent in the entomology lab, and his superhero feats require a high level of engineering prowess. With their expertise in insect science and claim to the best engineering in the ivy league, Cornell seems a likely place for Spiderman to have studied. However, given the attrition rate in Cornell’s engineering department, I think it is debatable whether he actually graduated.

Swimming faster than most species and donning gills as he saves the world, Aquaman was probably spawned at a warm weather college. Stanford, a college swimming powerhouse and marine biology haven on the west coast, is a good guess for Aquaman’s alma mater.

Then there is Wonder Woman who shattered the glass ceiling for female super heroes with her girl power agenda, sense of style and moral “lasso of truth”. She was without a doubt, a Wellesley girl who trampled the hearts of more than few West Point cadets in her day.

Like Wonder Woman, Cat Woman represented a new genre of empowered females, but this time with a dark side. Her raw sexuality left Batman dazed and confused, and her jewel heists and lust for money clearly painted her as a ruthless capitalist. Thus, we can postulate that Cat Woman started out at Berkeley in era of bra burning and free love, but later graduated from Wharton after her capitalistic side got the best of her.

Finally, we arrive at the super hero my young friend asked about, Batman. As we all know, Bruce Wayne lived a charmed life. Independently wealthy, he did not appear to have a job and spent most of his leisure time in his mahogany library, dressed in a Brooks Brother’s tweed jacket, sipping brandy. From this, we surmise that Batman spent his undergraduate years at Princeton, a bastion of refinement for young men of means, and the alma mater of F. Scott Fitzgerald. His graduate years were most likely spent at Oxford where he acquired his affected accent, dependency on butlers, and love for all things Anglophile.

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