Monfredo: Parents, A Child’s First and Most Influential Teacher, Ideas for 2015

Saturday, December 27, 2014

John Monfredo, GoLocalWorcester MINDSETTER™

In another week we will move into 2015! Parents, as we begin the New Year let’s make a commitment to start each day by giving your child a hug, smile and a loving word remembering that warm physical contact is important for all ages, and especially for our young children. Also consider putting a supportive note in your child’s lunch box or in his backpack.

All of these suggestions enhance a child’s self-esteem which is the foundation of a good productive life for your child. Everyone wants to hear compliments, especially our children. Years ago when I was principal at Belmont Community School I had the pleasure of meeting Dr. John V. Gilmore, a former clinical psychologist at Boston University, and his wife Eunice. Dr. Gilmore and his partner Eunice gave parent training courses at the Gilmore Institute. His book, Give Your Child A Future explains how parents can raise their children to be happy, self-confident, productive and value oriented adults.

One of his trainers at the Gilmore Institute was Charles Gruska an outstanding principal in the Wachusetts school system who has since retired. Mr. Gruska gave me a copy of the book and when I was a principal I tried to share many of Dr. Gilmore’s ideas with parents.

I’d like to share some of their findings and hopefully give parents another prospective. What distinguishes the home life of a highly productive, successful child from that of an underachiever or school dropout? According to Dr. Gilmore research has identified some of the following factors typically present in highly productive families:

The family is closely knit; communication is warm and spontaneous.
Affection and encouragement are continually expressed toward all family members.
An interest in education and constant encouragement of all educational endeavors are evident.
The family, as a unit, has excellent coping skills.
Firm parental expectations of children’s accomplishments direct youngsters toward realistic long-range goals.

Studies indicate that all individuals of any age must have high self esteem if they are to live a successful life. The primary source of children’s self-esteem is their parents’ love. Parents need to provide their children with affection, warmth and support and praise them as persons as well as for their accomplishments. Remember, parents are a child’s first and most important teachers and it’s essential that they develop within their child a positive self-esteem.

Many parents ask what about discipline? Well, the manner in which you discipline your children profoundly affects not only their self-esteem but also the manner in which they relate to others. Dr. Gilmore stresses the positive rather than the negative approach to discipline. He believes that you should try to teach your children when you discipline them before punishing them. They must know exactly what they have done wrong and why.

Also, do try to recognize that actual cause of a child’s misbehavior. Experiences at home or school or on the playground can lower your child’s self-esteem, causing them to act out their frustration and hurt feelings with the family group. Another suggestion is to bring a disciplinary incident to a definite conclusion. Don’t dwell on the situation. Let bygones be bygones.

Other things to consider: Don’t preach for it does not change behavior…Don’t nag on unimportant issues; and keep your priorities clear. Matters of safely and concern for others’ rights are more important than minor lapses in neatness or appearance. Most importantly, don’t fail to be kind, even when you are obliged to act firmly. Preserve your child’s self-esteem at all costs.

Parents, consider having a FAMILY COUNCIL meeting once a week. This approach could assist you in issues that need to be addressed. You may want to have a council meeting every Sunday afternoon. If you like this idea here are some guidelines:

Plan your first family council meetings carefully, introduce them tactfully, and conduct them along democratic lines. In other words give everyone a chance to give their opinion.
Be sure to see that decisions made during the meetings are prominently displayed afterwards.
Be sure to discuss money matters freely and often with all your children. If possible consider giving each child a regular allowance.
Firmly enforce time limits on viewing, (especially on school days) the television or using the computer.
Keep the family meetings short and don’t preach. You should not hesitate to say, “We can’t afford”(a certain purchase) when necessary.
Again, be sure listen to all of your children’s concerns.

Finally, let’s look at some worthwhile tips for parents in regard to their child’s schooling, for as an educator I firmly believe that the key to your child’s education is you! First of all be sure that you are involved in their homework. Create a homework center, a specific area in the house (such as an office desk or the kitchen table) where your child can do homework each evening. Make sure that it’s stocked with enough supplies, such as pencils, erasers, paper, a folder or two, and a calculator. Then find the time to sit with your children when they’re doing homework. If you have work you need to do for your job, bills to pay, or some other project, do it while your child is doing her homework, and let her know that even adults have homework. Model what it takes for school success by staying focused and not leaving until you’ve accomplished what you set out to do.

Whether or not the school encourages reading, (and all teachers should) be sure that your child reads at home at least 20 -30 minutes a day. Make it an enjoyable time and take the time to read together. Encourage your children to find books that excite them. Don’t overlook graphic novels, comic books, magazines, or other types of reading that may not interest you, but interest them. The point is to keep them reading which in turn promotes school success. Talk to them about what they’re reading on their own and in class, and ask which books they like and what they’re learning. Also, during 2015 remember to visit any of the library sites in Worcester. It’s the best bargain in the city!

No one ever said that parenting was going to be easy but consider the advice in this column for it may make a difference in the life of your child and in yours, too. Happy 2015!

E-mail me at [email protected].