Finneran: “Your Call Is Important To Us……….”
Email to a friend
Permalink
Friday, January 29, 2016
Tom Finneran, GoLocalWorcester MINDSETTER™
How many times have you heard that pathetic bs recording? “All of our operators are tied up at the moment. Your call is important to us. Our next available representative will be with you shortly." There’s more horsepoop in those three little sentences than there is at all of Suffolk Downs.
Might corporate America consider the fact their customers are human beings, that they have lives of their own, with responsibilities, with kids, and schools and careers? Do the robotic recordings have to take over all aspects of our lives swallowing hours and hours and hours of our time until, finally, in tears, we talk to some overwhelmed “manager” who just started on the job yesterday?
I’m tempted to start a class-action lawsuit against the next set of idiots who so rigorously expect prompt monthly payments but are nowhere to be found when their crappy service craps out. You know whom I’m talking about…………..
Shortly, very shortly, we’ll be subjected to Super Bowl ads which will tell us how great and sleek and sexy we are whenever we use our phone company, our internet provider, our cable company, our super-cool tablets, etc.
Well in advance of the onslaught of ads, here’s the one I would like to see---“Hi. We’re so-and-so. For years we’ve faked our way past your common sense and decency, taking advantage of your patience and kindness. We owe you an apology and a better way of doing business. From now on we’re going to hire well-spoken and well-educated Mid-Westerners. They will be courteous. They will be knowledgeable. They will be well-paid. And they will be authorized to give you rebates for those months when our service did not meet your expectations. We know that we created those expectations and that the failure is ours. Starting tomorrow you’ll have the service and experience you deserve.”
Wow!! Hands down, that would win the best Super Bowl ad competition. It would also likely surpass the game itself, as most of them become crashing bores. And half-time shows are always a parade of gross vulgarity requiring strong parental discretion, as the mighty dollar machine of the NFL chases every grubby buck available. That ad wins the national conversation, hands down.
Now I’m no Bernie Sanders fan. It’ not just me but probably half of Vermont’s taxpayers think that the Bern is crazy. He should not be allowed within 100 miles of any economic machinery or policy. Nor should most of Congress and the Senate. I trust in capitalism and the free market. That said, the private sector experience and “wisdom” of certain dolts in certain industries is downright dubious. There is negligible gain and zero loyalty to companies who abuse their customers and their employees. If your company’s continued success is based upon customer inertia rather than customer pleasure you’d better brace yourself.
As the political world is bracing for a voter revolution next week, the business world should brace for a similar consumer backlash. Note the number of people who are “cutting cable”, ending their relationship where the “loyalty” has always been a verbal awning, covering a one-way screw-you street. There will be more of that walk-away behavior, as well there should be.
“Your call is important to us”. Yeah, right……………………………why I am I still on hold?
Tom Finneran is the former Speaker of the Massachusetts House of Representatives, served as the head the Massachusetts Biotechnology Council, and was a longstanding radio voice in Boston radio.
Related Slideshow: The 2016 President Candidates Ranked by Absurdity
InsideGov ranked the levels of absurdity for each candidate by these four criteria:
- A consistently low 2015 polling average: consistently low poll numbers make campaigns more superfluous, and thus, more absurd
- Extreme ideologies: candidates with extreme views—whether way to the left or way to the right—tend to be less viable, and thus, more ridiculous
- Little-to-no years of elected office or active-duty military experience: inexperienced and unproven, these candidates are more prone to absurdity
- Multiple attempts at the presidency: the more attempts, the less serious the candidate becomes
Prev
Next
#21
Candidate: Scott Walker
Absurdity Index: 37.1 (very low)
What InsideGov said:
He might be the most boring candidate in the race, but he’s also the least ridiculous. The Governor of Wisconsin has 22 years of elected experience and consistently solid polling numbers for 2016.
While he leans more conservative than average, he takes few truly extreme positions. He’s the most reasonable candidate in the entire field, by InsideGov’s metrics.
Prev
Next
#20
Candidate: Martin O'Malley
Absurdity Index: 39.4
What InsideGov said:
By InsideGov’s calculations, the former Governor of Maryland is the most moderate Democrat in the field, and among the five most moderate candidates overall.
Even if he never gains traction against the mighty Clinton machine, we can expect O’Malley to add a measured, level-headed perspective to the Democratic primaries.
Prev
Next
#19
Candidate: Chris Christie
Absurdity Index: 39.7
What InsideGov said:
While the Governor of New Jersey gets a bad rap for his bluster and blunt statements, the data suggests he’s one of the more reasonable candidates, on the whole. He’s moderate across almost every issue, and he's still alive in the polls.
“Bridgegate” might ultimately doom him, but his decision not to run for president in 2012 was classic, sensible Christie.
Prev
Next
#18
Candidate: Hillary Clinton
Absurdity Index: 40.6
What InsideGov said:
Clinton scores a few absurdity points across several categories: she’s only served eight years of elected office*, has run for president before, and is more liberal than all but one competitor. Still, her historically dominant position in the polls (nearly 50 points above her nearest challenger) means we have to take the former New York Senator seriously. In the position she’s in, it would be ridiculous for hernot to run.
*For our purposes, her terms as First Lady and Secretary of State do not count toward her total, because she was not elected to those positions.
Prev
Next
#17
Candidate: Jeb Bush
Absurdity Index: 40.8
What InsideGov said:
Some might say that three Bushes in three decades is absurd, but by our numbers, Jeb Bush is among the most sensible of the candidates. He consistently polls at the top of the GOP field, holds more moderate positions than most of his opponents and seems to have waited for the perfect time to run.
Prev
Next
#16
Candidate: Lincoln Chafee
Absurdity Index: 43.0
What InsideGov said:
The recent Democratic Party-convert holds moderate views and boasts 24 years of elected experience—enough to make him a logical candidate for the 2016 race. Only his extremely low polling numbers, which suggest that his candidacy will be irrelevant, bump him a few spots up this list.
Prev
Next
#15
Candidate: Bernie Sanders
Absurdity Index: 43.5
What InsideGov said:
The most liberal candidate in the field, Bernie Sanders will likely add a far-left voice to the Democratic primaries. That said, his decent polling numbers and 34 years of elected experience suggest he deserves to be in the conversation, regardless of his ideology.
Prev
Next
#14
Candidate: Marco Rubio
Absurdity Index: 45.2
What InsideGov said:
The Tea Party star turned respected Florida Senator boasts 15 years of experience and a solid polling average. Rubio’s sole weakness might be his strong conservative streak, which will make him less palatable in the general election. Only Rick Santorum and Ted Cruz hold viewpoints further to the right.
Prev
Next
#13
Candidate: Lindsey Graham
Absurdity Index: 45.8
What InsideGov said:
The South Carolina Senator has all the experience you’d ever want in a president: 22 years of elected service, another dozen of active-duty military service. Still, Graham’s abysmal polling numbers suggest he has no business in an already crowded field.
Prev
Next
#12
Candidate: Jim Webb
Absurdity Index: 45.8
What InsideGov said:
Similar to Graham, Jim Webb brings a combination of government and military service to the table, an attractive résumé that would seem to appeal to liberal and conservative voters alike. And while he doesn’t have quite as much total experience as Graham, Webb’s moderate ideology scores would make him a compelling general election contender. That said, Webb is so far behind Clinton in the polls that his candidacy likely won't last.
Prev
Next
#11
Candidate: Rick Perry
Absurdity Index: 47.0
What InsideGov said:
Though he leans more conservative than the average GOP candidate, Rick Perry’s 35 years of elected experience—including 15 as the Governor of Texas—make Perry an immediate contender. He’ll just need to escape the shadow of his failed 2012 run, where debate gaffes unraveled an otherwise promising campaign.
Prev
Next
#10
Candidate: John Kasich
Absurdity Index: 47.3
What InsideGov said:
The Governor of Ohio has over two decades of experience and a balanced mix of viewpoints that could appeal to national voters. For now, only a low polling average brings Kasich down. Given that the governor hasn’t officially announced his candidacy, Kasich could quickly find himself moving down the Absurdity Index and into a short list of contenders.
Prev
Next
#9
Candidate: Rand Paul
Absurdity Index: 48.8
What InsideGov said:
While he’s relatively new to the game (particularly compared to his father, Ron Paul), Paul’s Libertarian leanings will likely help the Kentucky Senator win over a small subset of American voters. His bigger problem will be garnering support from traditional Democrats or Republicans—each of which will have fundamental disagreements with his platform.
Prev
Next
#8
Candidate: George Pataki
Absurdity Index: 49.8
What InsideGov said:
The former Governor of New York is, by InsideGov’s count, the last of the semi-viable 2016 candidates. His polling is currently in the gutter, but his moderate views, 25 years of experience and record as a GOP governor in a liberal state all contribute to a well-rounded presidential candidate. He just needs voters to pay attention.
Prev
Next
#7
Candidate: Mike Huckabee
Absurdity Index: 52.2
What InsideGov said:
Part pastor, part politician and part Fox News personality, Mike Huckabee has done a little bit of everything—past positions that will help him appeal to a loyal base of Evangelical voters.
For mainstream voters, however, Huckabee’s revolving door of professions, overemphasis on religious values and lack of foreign policy bonafides make him unfit for office.
Prev
Next
#6
Candidate: Ben Carson
Absurdity Index: 55.4
What InsideGov said:
Famous for being the first surgeon to successfully separate twins conjoined at the head, Ben Carson is a brilliant physician, but has never been a politician. While some might be refreshed by a candidate so removed from Washington, history tells us that these candidates are the most likely to be loose canons, with offhand comments that trained politicians are smart enough to avoid. For these reasons, Carson is likely to wind up more sideshow than serious contender.
Prev
Next
#5
Candidate: Ted Cruz
Absurdity Index: 59.9
What InsideGov said:
New to politics and more conservative than the entire field, Cruz easily ranks among 2016’s most absurd candidates. He’ll likely provide some entertainment at debates and in interviews, but there’s no way he’ll make it past New Hampshire. Only a consistent bloc of Tea Party support in the polls prevents him from finishing in the top four.
Prev
Next
#4
Candidate: Bobby Jindal
Absurdity Index: 66.5
What InsideGov said:
Both highly conservative and unappealing to voters, the Governor of Louisiana has seen a sharp decline in support since he bombed a 2009 State of the Union response. The data says that neither voters nor television networks will take his bid very seriously; he may be among the first to drop out.
Prev
Next
#3
Candidate: Rick Santorum
Absurdity Index: 67.2
What InsideGov said:
While Santorum’s years of elected experience are about average (16), his deeply conservative views and consistently low poll numbers make him a superfluous addition to the race.
The former Pennsylvania Senator might be hoping that his deep 2012 run will help validate his bonafides as a candidate, but GOP voters already seem weary of the candidate. If anything, his presidential election history will be more of a curse than a blessing.
Prev
Next
#2
Candidate: Carly Fiorina
Absurdity Index: 75.4
What InsideGov said:
Fiorina’s low polling numbers and zero years of elected experience work against the businesswoman, who has been trying to transition to politics for the last decade. She deserves praise for her quick rise to senior vice president at AT&T, but her tenure at HP is more ominous.
While serving as HP’s CEO, the company underperformed in the stock market, took on billions in debt, laid off 30,000 workers and saw employee satisfaction plummet. The company’s board eventually forced her to resign. Add to that a failed Senate bid in 2010, and Fiorina has gone many years without a signature victory. It’s unlikely that the 2016 election will mean anything different for the aspiring politician.
Prev
Next
#1
Candidate: Donald Trump
Absurdity Index: 191.2
What InsideGov said:
When it comes to absurdity, Trump breaks the scale. Yes, his recent poll numbers aren’t terrible, but all candidates receive bumps after officially announcing their campaigns. Instead, it’s Trump’s wacky policy positions, decades of pretend presidential runs and zero years of elected experience that earn Trump the honor of 2016’s most absurd candidate.
Trump is more likely than anyone on this list to make headlines, yet less likely than the entire field to actually become president. He’s more than twice as ridiculous as the next-most absurd candidate. When the 2016 race is all over, don’t say Trump didn’t win anything. Congratulations, Donald.
Related Articles
Enjoy this post? Share it with others.
Email to a friend
Permalink
Follow us on Pinterest Google + Facebook Twitter See It Read It