Tom Finneran: Banning Bossy, Killing Common Sense
Friday, March 21, 2014
Cause of death: Bossy women.
Perhaps you’ve heard about the campaign to ban the word “bossy”. Unbeknownst to about 99% of normal people, the word “bossy” apparently has a dreadful effect on the self-esteem and career goals of girls and young women.
Now you can’t make this stuff up. Nor do you have to in modern America for our leading growth industry today is the victim industry. If you’re not a victim of some utterly obscure and far-fetched “ism” or “phobia” then you simply have not yet met some similarly obscure and far-fetched professor who will tell you absolutely nothing about economics or history or literature but will happily give you chapter and verse on the victimization of everyone on Planet Earth.
The “Ban bossy” campaign appears to be headed by a few women with too much time on their hands. Lead among them is Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook and the author of the oh-so-trendy book “Lean In”. Ms. Sandberg has been joined in her bullying bossy campaign against common sense and the English language by that paragon of feminism Beyonce. Need I say more?
Before I iron my shirts, do some laundry, go grocery shopping, and prepare dinner tonight, let me expound upon my own victim status, for you see, I am a married man, the father of two fully grown daughters, and the grandfather of three granddaughters (and four grandsons who just happen to fully agree with me). I know “bossy” when I see it. Sometimes I see it in the mirror, sometimes I see it in my bride, and sometimes I see it in my daughters. Indeed, when I think about it, the three granddaughters are pretty bold and bossy too. I live in a gulag of bossiness and I’m mostly on the receiving end of it. Pity poor old me. I’m a victim of cold heartless women...
One glaring irony of Ms. Sandberg’s and Beyonce’s campaign to ban the word “bossy” is that you have to be pretty damn bossy yourself when you want to tell other people how to speak. So listen up Sheryl and Beyonce -- I’m not buying your baloney.
Apparently the “bossy” hate crimes you two suffered as young girls did not deter you from pursuing your dreams and achieving success. Are you so gifted, so talented, so god-like in your ability that you and only you were able to break through the stifling suffocation of being called “bossy” once in a while? On behalf of all the humble peasants I thank you oh Lords for allowing us into your exalted presence…
Beyonce as feminism’s icon is hilarious, as she publicly degrades herself on America’s biggest stages. Some husband she’s got there too. What’s up with him, other than surrendering to the bossiness of the Almighty dollar? I know less about Ms. Sandberg but is it even remotely possible that in this day and age of loud lousy vulgar language that the word “bossy” leaves emotional scar tissue and wreckage in a young girl’s life? Don’t make me laugh.
This contrived campaign is absurd. The word “bossy” ruins women’s lives! If that’s not an insult to every woman alive, I don’t know what is. Is the fairer sex, so obviously smarter and much more capable in so many ways than we Y chromosome humanoids, really so mentally delicate that they become unhinged at the utterance of such an equal opportunity gender-neutral word? If so, we’ve fallen even faster than I thought. Perhaps we should go back to the frontier days of women shooting rifles, chopping wood, and tilling pasture. Call those women “bossy” and their response would be “damn right, now shut up and get to work you fool”. Now that’s bossy. Don’t take the title away from such women. They earned it and thank heavens they did. They kept America moving not whining. They fed and lead families, they won wars. Tougher than tough, wiser than wise, they were leaders. They’d laugh at the thin skin and self-absorption of Ms. Sandberg and Beyonce. They’d also wonder if all of America’s women today were so silly and so shallow…
Gotta run—I have to iron a shirt but I’ll see you tomorrow at the funeral for common sense, with Beyonce and Ms. Sandberg serving as the high priestesses of nonsense.
Related Slideshow: Women Leading in Central Massachusetts
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