Tom Finneran: We’ll Always Have Paris… And Silly Women
Friday, October 04, 2013
So Paris, though occupied, was spared the horrific destruction unleashed upon many other European capitals. We can be grateful.
Fast forward to 2013 and behold another spectacle, this one of such inanity, such conspicuous consumption, as to invite mockery. I speak of the Paris fashion shows. And yes, inevitably we must speak of the women who patronize such repulsive exhibits. Talk about a “war on women".
Why on earth would any reasonably intelligent woman allow herself to be manipulated no less than twice a year (Spring and Fall shows, you see), year after year after year for hideous clothes worn down a runway by models in desperate need of a cheeseburger? Look, I like to see a well-dressed woman as much as anyone else, but these clothes and these models are from another planet.
A few days back I caught sight of a photo of an impossibly skinny Parisian model wearing what looked like a head-to-toe white fur spacesuit with a Klingon-like helmet on her head. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Beyond the utter absence of even a trace of femininity, I wondered whether anyone in their right mind would pay for and wear such a ridiculous outfit. I know that there are countless ways for a fool and his money to part ways but this nonsense has to be at the top of that list. And remember that this insanity actually occurs twice a year!
Gullible insecure women have been taken for a ride for years by the dictates of changing fashions, all foisted upon them by plundering frauds.
Let’s face it---women are smarter than men, more talented than men, and more multi-dimensional than men. Indeed, women are superior to men by virtually every meaningful measure under the sun. But women also have a screw loose somewhere, a DNA defect perhaps, which makes them susceptible to ever-changing “styles”.
Take shoes for instance. Every man on the planet wears comfortable sensible shoes, or, whenever possible, flip-flops or sneakers. Men choose footwear for the comfort of their feet. If anyone ever proposed that men squeeze and scrunch their feet into impossibly narrow high-heeled shoes, that person would be beaten in a Kruschev-like manner with said shoe. Even the dopiest guy you’ve ever known would laugh such an idea into the nearest wastebasket. Why is it then that women, the smarter gender, fall for such nonsense, paying through the nose for shoes which numb their feet?
The female silly gene covers clothes too. For men there is a universal always-in-style classic look of a dark suit. It never changes from year to year nor should it. For business or other serious stuff you just add a modest tie. Why then are women expected to adopt a “new” style every year? Who sets such standards, such expectations for women? More importantly, why would any woman ever acquiesce to such tyranny?
Here’s a suggestion for you should any woman you know ever be tempted by “Paris fashion”---buy them a cheeseburger, with fries. Then get them some ice cream with hot fudge sauce. Finally, tell them how great they already look in a dress or a skirt. You’ll save a bundle and you’ll strike a blow for real women’s liberation.
And, about that cheeseburger, make it a double.
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