Election day is here: Endorse this!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Some of us have bigger fish to fry and more trivial matters to bitch about, whether it’s Randy Moss’ fat mouth or Rex Ryan’s fat ass. Some of us would rather sit around all day complaining about the system rather than peeling ourselves off the couch to get up and cast a vote that might make a change.
Believe it or not, some of us are happy in our little world, a world where the only reality TV we know is Monday Night Football and our most difficult decision is whether to choose a quarterback or wide receiver in our fantasy draft.
I’m the perfect candidate for the common man who lives vicariously through others and doesn’t have a voice loud enough to express his innermost thoughts – no matter how inappropriate they might be – so if you still feel the need to endorse something or someone on this special election day, vote for Mike Parente.
After this column, the only thing I’ll be running for is my life.
- Once again, we’re making a big deal out of some comments by Moss that we’ve heard a thousand times already.
He’s not happy. We get it. He says he’s probably not going to be back next year. He’s right. He has no value beyond this season. No one pays big money for 35-year-old receivers, which is what Moss will be next year.
Let him sulk. Make him play for his money. If he has a lousy year, let him walk. If he plays his ass off, let him walk anyway because he’s too old for a multi-year extension. This is a win-win situation for the Patriots, and everything he said Sunday is on par with everything he’s said for the past few months.
On the other hand, if what Adam Schefter is reporting about the Logan Mankins-Bob Kraft exchange is true, then shame on Kraft. You can only be a self-centered egomaniac when you’re winning, and this franchise hasn’t won in a while.
- The Joe Girardi experiment needs to end in New York, and it needs to end sometime before the start of tonight’s game in Tampa Bay.
I don’t care how many wins the Yankees have or how close they are to wrapping up another playoff spot. Girardi’s decision to pitch Sergio Mitre in extra innings Monday against the Rays with first place on the line while the greatest closer in the history of baseball (Mariano Rivera) and a reliever averaging 10 strikeouts per nine innings (David Robertson) rotted away in the bullpen is absolutely indefensible and should be immediate grounds for dismissal.
As expected, Mitre served up a leadoff home run in the bottom of the eleventh, lifting Tampa Bay to a 1-0 win and dropping the Yankees into second place with their fourth consecutive loss. Since the Yankees are all but guaranteed a playoff spot thanks to the wild card, Girardi clearly isn’t managing to win a division title, otherwise Rivera would’ve been in that game ahead of Mitre. If you’re manager isn’t managing to win games, then he shouldn’t be there in the first place.
George Steinbrenner fired managers for far less than what Girardi did last night. Rumor has it the Cubs want to hire him at the end of the season. Great. Have fun in Chicago, where they expect you to lose anyway, so you can set the bar low without fear of retribution. That crap shouldn’t – and doesn’t – fly in New York.
- After reading the story about TV Azteca reporter Ines Sainz complaining that several members of the New York Jets harassed her in the locker room and that some coaches even went as far as to throw errant passes in her direction during practice so players could chase them out of bounds and “accidentally” bump into her for a cheap feel, I decided to do a quick Google search on her name for what I refer to as “research.”
The first hundred or so images were of Sainz’s ass poured into a pair of skin-tight jeans. Not to be outdone was the photo of her “covering” Super Bowl XLII in a wedding dress, followed by her at Super Bowl XLI in Miami riding off into the sunset on the shoulders of two Indianapolis offensive linemen. Those of you who browse “Playboy” for the articles probably read the story in which she proudly referred to herself as the “sexiest” reporter on television.
Once again, we have a female sports personality using her sexuality to advance her career on her terms, then crying foul when grown men overflowing with testosterone react accordingly. You can’t have it both ways. Either dress appropriately for work (you’re an adult, not a 16-year-old high school student, so invest in some business-casual slacks) or deal with the catcalls and awkward glares, which we all know you revel in anyway.
As for her claim that Jets’ coaches were purposely throwing passes toward her on the sidelines, I find that hard to believe since they can’t even coach their own quarterback to hit his target during a game, let alone aim anything other than a curious glance in Sainz’s direction.
- Maybe I'm getting old, but I was completely dumbfounded at the utter lack of sensibility and talent on display Sunday at the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards.
The night started with Lady Gaga wearing a meat dress and ended with Kanye West performing a song about douchebags while wearing a blouse fresh off the clearance rack at Forever 21. The whole concept of entertainment these days is based around shock value, as if we're in a contest to see who can out-weird who by either strapping a pork loin to our bare asses or tying a garbage bag around our waists and calling it a dress.
The losers are the fans who stay up all night to watch Drake, an effeminate Canadien rapper labeled as the future of hip-hop, sing about lip gloss and handbags, or sit through a performance by Justin Bieber, whose 1950s, Kidz Bop rubbish should crawl back under the malt shop from where it came. Although everyone claims their generation was the best, I'm convinced today's youth are getting screwed royally by a bunch of tasteless hacks who wouldn't know good music if it fell out of Drake's purse and landed on their faces.
- Thanks to Janet Jackson’s boob popping out during the Super Bowl halftime show six years ago, we’ve been subjected to a series of lame, misplaced musical performances at subsequent NFL kickoff shows and concerts.
Last week, Taylor Swift and the Dave Matthews Band performed in New Orleans prior to the Saints’ season opener against Minnesota. I understand the NFL’s desire to play it safe, but Swift doesn’t belong anywhere near a football stadium unless she’s in a cheerleader uniform, and if I wanted to hear Dave Matthews I’d go to a frat house where they play similar frat-house music.
Janet’s nip-slip was nearly a decade ago. Would it kill to get a decent, somewhat relevant, R&B act? I’m not asking for Lil’ Wayne. I’ll settle for B.o.B. For once, appeal to your demographic and ditch the coffee-shop poetry rock.
I don’t want to speak for everyone, but “Hey Soul Sister” doesn’t get me fired up for Monday Night Football.
- Nice job by Jets tight end Dustin Keller last night completely missing the first-down marker and waltzing out of bounds without even trying to get the necessary yards to keep the game alive.
Coaches need to remind their players exactly how much time is left on the clock, how many timeouts they have remaining and how many yards they need for a first down as often as possible in the closing minutes of a tight game.
With such a blatant lack of discipline on display, you’d have thought Herman Edwards was in charge, not Ryan. The Jets should be embarrassed.
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