Yo, Adrian! Stallone’s in the Hall of Fame?

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Mike Parente, GoLocalProv Sports Editor

Please tell me this is a cruel joke.

Please tell me Sylvester Stallone didn’t make it into the International Boxing Hall of Fame yesterday for his portrayal of the fictional character Rocky Balboa, the iconic star of Stallone’s “Rocky” series, which has turned millions of gym-class heroes into weekend warriors.

I’m as big a “Rocky” fan as your Italian neighbor. I received a pair of custom-made Apollo Creed American-flag shorts for my eighth birthday. I lift weights to John Cafferty’s “Hearts On Fire,” and not the lame, condensed soundtrack edition, but the extended movie version, which includes the instrumental played during the end of Rocky’s final training montage in “Rocky IV” where he scales a mountain in the middle of Siberia – a song I spent nearly 48 hours searching for on various foreign Rocky fansites. And I do it while wearing my sleeveless gray Rocky T-shirt. I own a Mickey Goldmill action figure. I even liked “Rocky V.”

The list goes on and on. I’m the Lewis Skolnick of Rocky trivia. I should wear a gold pocket protector with a stallion logo emblazoned on the front. I’d drink raw eggs if I could stomach the taste. And yet none of this means I’m willing to flush every last ounce of my credibility as a sports’ analyst and mindlessly cheer Stallone’s induction into the Hall of Fame while other, more credible, boxing legends – such as Rhode Island’s own Vinny Paz – remain on the outside looking in despite the fact they gave their actual blood, sweat and tears to the Sweet Science.

If the Boxing Hall of Fame wants to open a separate wing for contributors and honorable mentions, I’m all for it. Stick Stallone next to Glass Joe, Bald Bull and every other “Punch-Out!” character for all I care, but to wedge his Hall of Fame plaque between that of Michael Spinks and Freddie Steele is an insult to everyone who’s climbed through the ropes.

Trust me, I understand Rocky’s place in boxing history, but the bottom line is his story is as fictitious as global warming, even if the main character is based loosely on former heavyweight Chuck Wepner, a journeyman underdog who nearly went the distance with Muhammad Ali in 1975 (similar to the way Balboa goes the distance with Creed in the series’ first installment). Rocky knocked out Ivan Drago at a sports arena in Vancouver, not in Russia. None of the characters or events depicted are real, even though Stallone tore a pectoral muscle while training for “Rocky II,” or despite the fact Dolph Lundgren knocked Carl Weathers unconscious during the filming of the legendary Creed vs. Drago fight scene in “Rocky IV.”

Stallone put his creative genius to work while crafting Rocky’s legacy and blessed us with an American classic that will forever stand the test of time, but he never fought 15 grueling rounds for a world title with a temperate of 103 degrees, nor did he return from a broken neck suffered in an automobile accident and ultimately win his third world title just two years later. Real fighters such as Paz, who defied the odds and won his 50th fight long after doctors told him his career was over, are still awaiting their long-over induction because Stallone snuck in on the non-participants ballot.

Why does the Boxing Hall of Fame even have a non-participant ballot? Why should non-participants have a shot at making it into the Hall of Fame among athletes who actually participated in their respective sport? Do I qualify as an eligible non-participant for being one of the only people dumb enough to order the lopsided Miguel Cotto-Manny Pacquiao fight on pay-per-view last November?

And where do we draw the line? Will Clubber Lang be on next year’s ballot? Will Charlie Sheen make it to the Baseball Hall of Fame for his portrayal of Rick Vaughn in “Major League” before George Steinbrenner gets in?

The logical solution to this mess is to put non-participants such as Stallone on the same ballot as every other potential inductee, including any and all fighters, trainers, promoters, referees and boxing journalists. If Stallone were to eventually make it among boxing’s true ambassadors, then so be it, but I doubt he’d get in if the voting process wasn’t a complete sham.

I love Rocky and I’ll watch anything Stallone produces – I sat through, “Rhinestone,” too – but this is horsecrap. There’s no way Stallone should be at the Hall of Fame induction ceremony in June unless he buys a ticket.