Fit for Life: Today is the Day, Tomorrow May Never Come

Sunday, January 12, 2020

Matt Espeut

I’m sitting here writing this article with a heavy heart due to the passing of my younger brother on 1/1/2020.

For the last week, this has weighed on me heavily and I am having a difficult time accepting his passing, as most of us do immediately after we lose a person close to us.

I keep replaying all the positive components of our relationship, which is good, however, I also keep asking myself what else I could have done differently, and what more could I have done to help him.

The truth is nothing.

No-one could have done any more because he had an illness that kept leading him down a path to self-destruction, and he couldn’t seem to conquer his demons.

I am not going to elaborate too much on the issues, but I will say, he had a huge network of support that had been in his corner for over 30 years, and nothing seemed to work for the long term. We all tried, hoped, and prayed that he would turn things around, but we couldn’t force him to do something he wasn’t willing to do.

I keep going back there because I am filled with frustration, confusion, and disbelief that this is a permeant situation that can’t be reversed, and his fate has been determined forever. I keep asking myself, was I too hard on him? Was I not understanding of his illness? Was my thought process of “If you want something bad enough, you will do it”, too harsh and unrealistic?

Maybe it was, however, that’s the only way I know, and I believe that if I was different, the outcome would have still been the same. We texted regularly, I hooked him up with work, I gave him rides, had lunch / breakfast on occasion, gave him my old clothes (still in perfect condition) and I always let him know that I wanted the best for him and for him to be healthy and happy.

So, like anything else that happens in life, there are learning experiences that we can grow from.

Pain builds resiliency and grief will make us stronger in the long run.

You can’t change the past, so I need to take the valuable lessons learned from adversity and use them to improve and grow as person. Yes, it’s good to remember positive past experiences, but we can’t dwell on the things we think we should’ve, would’ve, or could’ve done, because it’s a waste of emotions. Nobody can change what happened, regardless of how much time and energy we spend thinking about it.

Live a life of impact in the present and move forward with good intentions every day. Today is the only day we can control, and we need to do our best to live a life we won’t regret in the future.

I don’t regret the relationship I had with my brother. If I could go back and do it over, I may have tried to spend more time with him, but we were so different that I found myself judging and criticizing his actions, which sometimes led to arguments and him getting discouraged and mad at me.

Therefore, we developed an edited relationship where we would text each other and see each other at holidays, family events and dinners.

Through our texts, we would wake each other up at ridiculous hours of the morning, send emojis, pictures, videos, and always have fun and positive messages with each other. We both knew we loved each other, and the disagreements were nonexistent on that level. We were always civil and looked forward to hearing from each other.

I have a 96-year-old grandmother that I see weekly, I call my mother regularly, I see my dad almost daily, and I do my best to be there for them when they need something. I make these things part of my present life, so when the inevitable happens, I can’t look back and wish I would have done more for them.

So, to sum up the lessons learned, I can tell you that we need to forget about changing the past, live to the best of our ability in the present, and understand that the future is determined by the actions we take today.

And it doesn’t stop with others. It applies to our own well-being as well.

If you did stupid things in the past (I have a long list) it’s important that we focus on not making those same mistakes today.

If cigarettes were your vice, and you know they are harmful to your health, quit today, so your future health won’t diminish.

If you ate poorly in the past, and have food related issues, change today and increase your chances of a vital life in the future.

If you are carrying around grudges from past encounters with someone, and you care about them, reach out today, so your relationship in the future will be better.

If you made stupid financial decisions in the past, think about what you can do differently today, so you can have a secure future.

Utilize the past, to refurbish fond memories, and learn from our mistakes

Live a solid life in the present

And realize the future will be determined by our actions today

Apply these lessons to your life, focus on creating impact today, and look forward to a rewarding future.

Matt Espeut, GoLocal's Health & Lifestyle Contributor has been a personal trainer and health & fitness consultant for over 25 years. He is the owner of Fitness Profiles, a one on one, and small group personal training company, as well as Providence Fit Body Boot Camp, located at 1284 North Main St., on the Providence/Pawtucket line. You can reach Matt at (401) 453-3200; on Facebook at "Matt Espeut", and on Twitter at @MattEspeut. "We’re all in this life together – let’s make it a healthy one.