Have no fear! The Bills are here!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Although they’re now 1-1 following an ugly loss to the Jets and just learned Kevin Faulk will miss the rest of the season with a knee injury, things could always be worse. Try being the Buffalo Bills, who come to town this weekend with an 0-2 record and a 13-game losing streak against the Patriots that dates all the way back to 2003.
The Bills haven’t won in Foxboro since the freakin’ internet was invented and now they’re switching quarterbacks, benching Trent Edwards this weekend in favor of Ryan Fitzpatrick, an NFL vagabond who’s never thrown more than nine touchdown passes in a season.
You’d be hard-pressed to convince any of us the Bills have a chance, though Patriots head coach Bill Belichick has certainly tried his best to make Buffalo sound like the reincarnation of the ’72 Dolphins.
The catchphrase this week is the Bills’ “three-headed monster” on offense, which consists of running backs C.J. Spiller, Fred Jackson and Marshawn Lynch. This “monster” is so scary it currently ranks 23rd in the league in rushing following a heart-stopping performance last week against Green Bay in which they averaged 3.9 yard per carry. Frightened yet?
At least Buffalo’s rushing attack has the potential to be dangerous. Spiller, a first-round draft pick, was the Atlantic Coast Conference (ACC) Player of the Year in 2009 at Clemson. Jackson and Lynch have each had 1,000-yard seasons in the NFL, both in Buffalo. There’s something to build on here, assuming the Bills ever develop a halfway decent offensive line.
The same can’t be said for the quarterback position. Not even Belichick could spin either of these clowns into a winner. If you think Fitzpatrick is bad – and he is – keep in mind Edwards got benched in favor of him. Bill Walsh, who coached San Francisco to three Super Bowl titles, spoke glowingly on Edwards’ behalf when the Bills acquired him in 2007, which some would argue is the first sign of dementia.
Edwards was so bad last year Bills’ fans – all 12 of them – nicknamed him “Captain Checkdown” because he couldn’t complete the deep ball despite the fact he had Terrell Owens and Lee Evans at wide receiver.
To fully grasp just how dysfunctional the Bills have been the past few years, peep this brief timeline dating back to last season: On Nov. 15, Edwards threw for a whopping 185 yards in a 41-17 loss to Tennessee. Two days later, the Bills fired head coach Dick Jauron and replaced him with Perry Fewell, who subsequently announced Fitzpatrick would start the rest of the season at quarterback. After finishing with more interceptions (10) than touchdowns (9), Fitzpatrick wound up back on the bench this season under new head coach Chan Gaily, only to find himself in the starting lineup again this week thanks to Edwards’ pitiful performances against Miami and Green Bay.
What some would refer to as transition sounds more like turmoil, and if the Patriots tell you they’re worried about this game, then they’re even worse at lying than they are at rushing the passer.
Granted, it’s been a rough week in Foxboro with Faulk injuring his knee five days after the Patriots traded Laurence Maroney and Belichick having to listen to whispers about whether or not he’s lost his magic touch, but the Bills pose no threat whatsoever. Tom Tupa could start this game in place of Tom Brady and the Patriots would still win by at least two touchdowns. In fact, Brady might want to stay home to avoid the traffic since most of the fans in attendance will probably do the same after three quarters (and we all know how much Brady hates it when the fans leave early).
Sunday will be another one of those Gillette Stadium specials where the visiting team wets itself during the opening coin-toss and the game unravels into a boring, lopsided mess. Fans will rejoice and all will be right in the world until the next time the Patriots play a team capable of exposing their multiple flaws.
Life sucks when you lose to the Jets, but the sun always rises the next morning – especially when you know the Buffalo Bills are in town.
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