Fan First

He wears a Patriots jersey to dinner. He wears a Red Sox hat backwards to meet your friends.

His only matching glasswear in his apartment are Bruins cups. He is all boy - literally a boy.

Pauly D

Hair, clothes, and attitude are all about him.

His hair has more product than yours does. He insists on sitting in the restaurant so he can be seen.  

When out on the town for a night,  he has the amazing ability to be dancing by himself even when he is trying to grind you.

Gay

There’s no shortage of men here, right? I mean, anyone walking Shrewsbury Street can see an abundance of happy gentlemen who are easy on the eye and with a smile.

Here’s the problem: they’re gorgeous. They’re gleaming. They’re gay.

Hair

Moustaches, goatees, mutton chops sideburns that meet at your mouth, facial squirrels and bushy beards are all very well and good, but we have two words for you: beard rash.

Not. Pretty.

Smell

Since when did deodorant become a bad word?  It's one thing to be organic.  But this element? It brings a whole new – er, odor – to intimate moments.

Tab

Any old-school gals looking for their Mr. Big to drop the dough after dinner will be disappointed. You might fancy yourself an independent, it would be nice if he picked up the check on occasion.

In fact, chances are he’ll be worried that he’s more likely to offend you by offering. Be prepared to shell out.

Cafe

If you’ve found the only straight single man in town, chances are he doesn’t have a job. He’s in a band, or he’s building a house one brick at a time, or he’s trying to figure out how to make a business that mostly involves hanging out in coffee shops and bars.

Gosling

Judging by his Tinder profile picture, he's like a young Ryan Gosling. In real life, less gosling, more ugly duckling.

Clowns

Somebody warned you that men are clowns, right? And you didn’t take it seriously. But look – that guy you eyed up in that bar last night?  He rode home on a unicycle. And he juggles.

Match

His photo is gleaming on Match.com, when you got to meet him for the first time at the cafe he looks great, but as you get to know him a little more his chiseled chin get less and less attractive.

It seems like a bit of a horror movie.