Newport Manners & Etiquette: The 9 Worst Costumes + Manners for Halloween + Election Conversation

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Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Didi Lorillard, GoLocalWorcester Manners + Etiquette Expert

The witching hours are upon us with questions this week to Didi Lorillard at NewportManners about Halloween etiquette and costumes, as well as conversation etiquette whenelection debates get too hot.

The 9 worst Halloween costumes

Q. Are some costumes more appropriate than others for elementary school children?  We're trying to find the right tone and message for Halloween.  A&MF, Providence

A.  For those who participate in the celebration, Halloween is all about trusting those you don't know well. Whether you are a tricker-or-treater knocking on doors or answering the bell tone warning the advance of a total stranger. It can be like taking a kid to a too-scary movie when what they take away from it is that it is wrong to be afraid. They wonder why daddy or mommy want them to have negative feelings.  

A little bit of scary goes a long way. Our culture has become so desensitized to violence and horror that we're forgetting the developmental needs of the child. Are they having trouble sleeping or need to sleep with the light on? If so, take the scariness down a couple of notches.

Halloween can be a time for personal growth when trying on personas. It not only can be fun, but possibly a revelation for deeper insight. If a husband and wife are donning Trump and Hillary masks, does that mean they are in opposition politically? Talk to the child about the meaning of their costume.

Psychologist Jared deFife, Ph.D., warns of the ten psychologically most disturbing costumes for young children:

• Werewolf - Dr. deFife says nothing stretches a child struggling with body issues more than when he is dressed like a dirty beast.
• Justin Bieber/Lady Gaga - No two are worse role models crying for attention.
• Harry Potter/Superman - Both are narcissistic characters who think the world would be a better place if everyone was like them.
• Vampires - Does your child want to play a blood thirsty narcissists? Dead inside they don't like to be seen in harsh daylight.
• Ghosts - Are they the products of parents who would rather that they be out of the house?
• Wonder Woman - is marketed as the modern day Barbie with the same small waist, large breasts, and long legs and hair. Scary aspirations for a youngster with a bright mind..
• Iron Man - has definite father issues.
• Where's Waldo - the paranoid adolescent hiding from strangers who are trying to hunt him down.
• Mad Scientist - are nerds and smarties, who end up in debt because they're crazy.

 

10 Halloween manners tips for kids

Q.  The scariest part of the tradition of trick-or-treating at Halloween is the worry that our child who is allergic to tree nuts will come in contact with peanuts, which is the third ingredient (after sugar and chocolate) in most treats sold for kids. How do we get the scariness of the treat away from our fear and make the tradition a fun teaching opportunity?  Name Withheld

A.  As terrifying for children scared of other masqueraders, Halloween can be a real nightmare for the parents who are afraid their child will bite into something that will hurt them -- from razor blades to peanuts. 

For a child of any age, going door to door asking for treats takes social skills and manners. Aside from birthday party manners, Halloween is the most significant holiday manners-wise. Ahead of time, read to your child "The Berenstain Bears Happy Halloween."  Then have fun role playing the knocking on the door and the script below to familiarize the child with the nuances of the Halloween tradition:

• Look for the knocker or bell and use one of those before pounding on the door or window of a residence that celebrates Halloween with a pumpkin, or other themed display.
• Be sure they ask politely, "Treat, please." Or an older child would say, "May I please have a treat?"
• When asked who they are dressed as (when it is not obvious), the child should be prepared to say, "I'm one of the Berenstain Bears, Sister Bear."
• When told to only pick two treats, they should only take two.
• It is polite to take the first candy closest to them. In other words, they shouldn't scoop through the bowl to find a purple lollipop, because if there isn't one on top the purple may have been taken.
• Have the child choose only treats that are individually wrapped and sealed in their original wrapping.
• When the child has a nut tree or other allergy, he should show the treat to his parent/caregiver for approval and place it back in the bowl, if he can't eat it.
• When there is nothing the child likes or can eat, she should take one treat and give it to her parent so as to not hurt the little old lady's feelings.
• Remind the child that once he's taken the treat, he should not put it back to exchange it for a different one.
• Thank the person for the treat. If possible, by naming the sweet. "Thank you for the lollipops!"

 

The season of the which

Q.  Living in a "swing state" I find I'm stuck, all too often, defending the candidate with the huge national lead. I want to act civilized, but I want to get away graciously. How do I dislodge myself from such a dead-end argument without losing a family friend or the friendship of a colleague?  Lonely in Ohio

A.  Recognize your differences in opinions and your friend's limitations. Don't waste your time putting down the opposition. Most importantly, agree to disagree and add that you respect his or her opinions even though you don't agree with them. 

At this late date, you're not going to change peoples' hearts and minds, unless the person is still undecided. If you can't escape the debate, focus on the issues and don't assassinate the candidate's character. If the friendship matters to you, don't risk it to win your point. Take the high road and politely excuse yourself. Changing the subject to one other than politics also works.

 

Didi Lorillard researches manners and etiquette at NewportManners.

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Related Slideshow: 16 Great Central MA Halloween Bar Parties

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