Preseason analysis? Here goes nothing

Friday, August 13, 2010

Mike Parente, GoLocalProv Sports Editor

A buddy of mine – a Patriots’ fan foolish enough to seek my opinion based solely on the fact I covered the team for nine years in a past life – texted me last night to ask what I was taking from New England’s preseason opener against the Saints.

I don’t know … a stroke? Come on, bro, it’s preseason. Although he’s a boot-licking fanboy for actually wanting to watch the entire game (I didn’t have a choice; he did), at least he wasn’t dumb enough to pay face value for tickets to what generally turns out to be a glorified scrimmage.

Tom Brady

In case you haven’t figured it out by now, I loathe preseason games. I think they’re a colossal rip-off for fans, reporters and roughly 78 percent of the active roster. The only people who should care about preseason games are the weekend warriors and third-string college fullbacks who need to play like gym-class heroes just to sniff a spot on the practice squad.

Peyton Manning sat out the entire 2008 preseason after having an infected bursa sac removed from his left knee and wound up winning his third league MVP that year with 27 touchdowns and 4,002 passing yards. In 2005, the Patriots kept star receiver Deion Branch on the sidelines for the entire preseason to preserve his health and he finished that year with 998 yards on 78 catches with five touchdowns. To this date, those numbers represent his single-season career highs.

So, I ask, why is the preseason such a big deal? Understanding for many of us it’s the first real sign of football in six months, I fail to see what difference it makes whether Tom Brady fires 10 or 12 passes against New Orleans’ second-string defense or he watches with a clipboard under his arm while Brian Hoyer does all the work.

And yet despite my general disdain for these games, I’ll admit I learned a few things last night while flipping between Yankees-Royals, Patriots-Saints and “Seinfield” reruns (especially the classic Chinese restaurant episode). In the true spirit of the preseason, I should’ve let my colleague Scott Cordischi finish the rest of the column since superstars only need to do half the work under such circumstances. Alas, here are my thoughts from a mundane night of channel surfing.

Logan who?

Kudos to the offensive line, particularly Dan Connolly, who started at left guard in place of training camp holdout Logan Mankins and made a standout play against linebacker Jonathan Vilma on one of New England’s scoring drives – no small feat considering the only time a guard usually gets noticed is when he screws up.

While Mankins continues to sulk about his contract and roam the woods with his trusty blue ox – or whatever it is lumberjacks do – Connolly played and played well last night.

This is good news (at least for now), because this running game will need all the help it can get. Laurence Maroney didn’t even touch the ball until the second quarter while third-year pro BenJarvus Green-Ellis started in the backfield and scored a touchdown on New England’s second drive.

Whether this represents what the Patriots think of Maroney remains to be seen, but it goes without saying the honeymoon is over. The Patriots need Maroney to start playing like a first-round draft pick, or else they’ll need Connolly to play like John Hannah all season. Neither option seems realistic at this point.

Slot machine

I’m starting to wonder whether Wes Welker is really this good or whether he’s in the right system at the right time. I’m having my doubts because the more I watch Julian Edelman the more I think he’s basically Welker with a different uniform number.

How does a guy who never played receiver in college turn into Cris Carter in less than two years? Every play Edelman’s made since last year (including his 90-yard performance last night) looks exactly like every play Welker has made in the past three seasons.

I’ve heard of system quarters, but I had no idea system receivers existed.

Hero worship

If I hear the story about Bill Belichick removing all the old photos of Adam Vinatieri, Rodney Harrison and everyone else with a Super Bowl ring from the walls inside the Gillette Stadium locker room one more time I’m going to vomit.

I get it – the past is the past, it’s time to make new memories, etc., etc. Each year, Belichick’s motivational tactics are described ad nauseum during the preseason (Randy Cross did the honors last night) and each year they matter less and less because the team’s inability to win supersedes his annual Knute Rockne impersonation.

If he really wants to remove every link to the Patriots’ dynasty he should just resign, because other than Brady he’s the most recognizable icon from New England’s past success. Like it or not, any Patriots’ team coached by Belichick will be compared to one of the franchise’s Super Bowl winners and that won’t change until he’s gone. Furthermore, it’s damn near impossible to forget the past with three Texas-sized Super Bowl banners hanging from the rafters at the stadium.

This isn’t Belichick’s first attempt at trying to rally the troops during the preseason. In 2002, the theme was “Targeting: September,” a reference to their 1-3 start the year before. They even had T-shirts printed. The message worked – sort of. The Patriots started the season 3-1, but forget to target October, November and December, too, and wound up missing the playoffs with a 9-7 record.

Who knew Belichick put the “fun” in fundamentals?

That’s all I’ve got for now. Oh, I almost forgot – Brady completed 5 of 8 passes for 67 yards and the Patriots won, 27-24, despite giving up a 97-yard touchdown on a kickoff return. At least I didn’t bury the lede.

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Preseason analysis? Here goes nothing

Logan who?

Slot machine

Hero worship

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