Ask a Bartender: Don’t Call me Baby

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Sunday, June 21, 2015

Pam Martin, GoLocalWorcester Ask A Bartender Columnist

Well, if you are in during lunch or dinner hours and I’ve done my job the right way, you’ll know my name within the first few minutes of sitting down. After dinner hours, there’s little to no chance I will tell you my name. In part, no one cares to ask the bartender’s name when the night rush comes in. Also, I can’t trust that you won’t abuse my name in some obnoxious way, so even if you ask, any bartender may hesitate to tell you their real name.

In general, it is best to understand what NOT to call me. This is not only completely subjective to my preferences, but also fairly female-bartender exclusive.

Do not, under any circumstance, ever call me or any other female bartender “baby”. There are very few things that make my blood boil more than that. I am not your “baby”. Not in the parental sense. Not in the romantic sense. If you test the waters with a “baby” call, and you meet my teeth-clenched stare down, do not follow up with what you may deem a playful Dirty Dancing reference.

Some other favorites include:

Mami/Mama - I am not your mother, nor am I the mother of your child. This does not translate so smoothly across cultures as some think. So stop.
Pumpkin – I am not five years old. Get a grip.
Ma’am – If you think your bartender is older than you, by one year or 10. Nothing tacks on another decade to a woman’s life quite like being called “ma’am”.

There are a few that the men behind the bar vote against:

Buddy – Perhaps the male equivalent to my “baby”.

Pal – It comes across as slightly condescending, so I am told. Try to think of any time you have said “Hey pal!” to someone over the age of 16 years old and it wasn’t in a confrontational tone. Exactly.

Boss – Is this some kind of mind game? Are you trying to assure them that they are in charge, while you are scheming to get what you want and take control? Did I just take this too far?

Alas, whether I’ve told you my name or not, you may forget, or not have heard it but nodded and smiled, so if you have to flag me down to change the channel on the TV, or check your Keno ticket, you are left with your mouth slightly ajar saying “Umm, excuse me….” – which is okay. A simple “excuse me” is not frowned upon. Female bartenders will happily also accept “Miss?” Male bartenders are somewhat trickier to address with a title; may be best to stick with the subtle wave and get straight to the question. 

Pam Martin bartends at Compass Tavern at 90 Harding Street in Worcester every Friday night and Sunday afternoon.

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