Newport Manners & Etiquette: Winter Entertaining + More

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Didi Lorillard, GoLocalWorcester Manners + Etiquette Expert

Smoking when it's not tobacco and taking shoes off at the door are winter party etiquette questions, along with when to remove your wedding band, and telling your future fiancée about your STD, were all concerns to Didi Lorillard at NewportManners.com this week.

Breaking a smoking rule

Our daughter is having her 21st birthday party in our home with 21+ of her closest friends. She says it is too cold to make her friends go outside to smoke and wants us to allow them to smoke inside our house for that one night. Her prediction is they will smoke outside whether we like it or not. We feel hypocritical allowing them to smoke in our house when years ago we banned cigarette smoking. What would be a good solution? J.W., Providence

Make a compromise with your daughter after reiterating your disapproval of tobacco. Tell her that her friends can vape on their electronic cigarettes. That way no matter what they're smoking, it won't stink up your house, because vaping on an e-cigarette emits vapor and not smoke. No odor. They can vape in a movie theatre. So. Why not in your house? Those who insist on smoking tobacco cigarettes can smoke out in the cold. ~Didi

Taking off a wedding band

My husband died two years ago and some of my friends and family are trying to persuade me to stop wearing my wedding rings. I'm a 52-year-old working mother. What is the etiquette as to when it is proper not to wear my rings? A.B., Houston, TX

Try not wearing your rings for short periods of time. Then longer. When you go to work, shopping, or meeting friends, see how you feel. In your own way and in your own time, you'll do what is the most comfortable. Obviously, for a while you'll miss the weight on your wedding finger. Try wearing your engagement ring on your right hand and storing your wedding band in a safe place nearby, so you have it on hand. ~Didi

Talking about STDs

How do I talk to my girlfriend about the fact that I may have given her a STD? My ex-girlfriend (now married) recently informed me that her husband's ex-wife just told him she has genital herpes. Both my girlfriend and I had breakup sex with our exes after we both started new relationships. I had been planing on asking my girlfriend to marry me on Valentine's Day, but I can't until I tell her I just tested positive. Anonymous

It was smart of you to get tested as soon as you found out that your former girlfriend may have given you a STD. Please, don't propose to your new girlfriend until you tell her your test results. Be sure to go online to get all the facts about genital herpes to share with her, and use protection every time. It is what it is. Work it out. If she loves you even though you have a yet incurable STD, make sure she understands the consequences. ~Didi

Asking guests to leave shoes/boots at the door

Last month we had our floors refinished and our rugs cleaned. Now, we're having a Valentine's Day cocktail party to celebrate our five-year anniversary and sending invitations, but we want to know if it is OK to ask guests to leave their shoes and boots at the door? How do we put this on the evite? C.H., Boston

At the bottom of your evite under the RSVP line, add a sentence such as this: No presents, only your presence when you leave your shoes at the door and use our flip-flops.

You can give away the flip-flops as a party favor or keep them for another event. There are those who will bring their own alternative or who are simply happy to pad around in stocking feet. ~Didi

Do you have a dilemma for Didi about love, family and life in general? Visit NewportManners.com, where Didi researches etiquette and all matters of manners for her book, "Newport Etiquette." If your Question is used, we can withhold your name and/or location. Do explore some of Didi Lorillard's earlier columns listed below.