Newport Manners & Etiquette: Cellphone Addicts

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Didi Lorillard, GoLocalWorcester Manners + Etiquette Expert

Cell phone etiquette, when we are too emotionally attached, in restaurants, at parties and work. Is it the new norm or an addiction? When is enough enough? Decoding the dress code "Coastal Cocktail" attire. All questions to Didi Lorillard at NewportManners.com this week.

Cell phone addiction

At a large family cookout with friends of all ages, one thirty-something couple spent the entire time on their cell phones. Either the husband or wife would walk off to the sideline and pace back and forth while talking with their phone to their ear. Their only child was at the party, so the calls were not out of concern for him. No other guest indiscreetly used their phone for anything other than taking photos of the birthday boy blowing out his candles. Should I have pointed this out to the couple or bit my tongue? Melinda, Beverly, MA

Had you chewed them out, your worst summer party memory would have been replaced by the one you would have created if you had commented on their indiscrete disrespectful behavior. Had the couple known how to fit in, they would not have been acting like consummate outsiders needing to be seen as more socially connected with others while at a party with their friends. ~Didi

Digital World coworker

My coworker in the next cubicle is addicted to her cell phone. She brags about being good at multi-tasking, but I'm constantly catching silly mistakes and covering for her. Not only is her voice irritably distracting, but I resent having to clean up her messes. Going to HR is not an option. Our boss stresses team work and refers to us as members of the company team, which means we're not to complain but have to pick up the slack. Any ideas about how to deal? G.T., Providence

Aside from asking to be moved to another space, which may not be possible, another obvious option is to talk to her. Take it outside of the office away from your colleagues. Over coffee say you understand that the need to stay constantly in touch with her circle of friends is perfectly normal, and then ask her this, "Tell me, how you get your work done when you're always on your ear pods talking to your friends and your mom? I can't help overhearing your half of every conversation and I'm curious as to how we can work to turn the volume down and limit the chatter." If you are brave, you will cite a couple of her silly mistakes and incidents where you've had to cover for her. Do it by texting. That might really catch her attention. ~Didi

Cell phones in restaurants

I may be just a lowly waitress but it kills me seeing couples out on a date too emotionally attached to their cell phones to talk to each other. I have a hard time getting their attention to take the order. I ask myself, What's wrong with this picture? We've talked to the manager about banning cell phones because we like to move customers along, but he says that's not going to happen because everyone texts anyway. Whether they're checking out the weather or ordering from J. Crew, it is rude to keep us waiting. Any etiquette advice? Aggie, Middletown

Since over 90% of US adults have a cell phone (according to the Pew Research Center Internet & American Life Study) its usage is the norm and in etiquette we have to adapt.

This may or may not work, because many of us mortals identify our cell phones as part of our persona. Try to make eye contact. Tell the customers you'll be back in five minutes to take their orders. When you return ask, "May I, please, take your order?" and when they don't answer, add, "Do you have any questions about the menu?" Get their mouths watering in anticipation by making recommendations. Changing their focus to food and drink may start them talking to each other. Remember, cell phone usage is an emerging form of social interaction: we increasingly live across the internet and airwaves. There are times when it may be necessary to get onto their wave length. ~Didi

'Coastal Cocktail' dress code

My daughter is going to a wedding in Maine on Labor Day weekend. One of the party invitations says, "Coastal Cocktail" attire. I know what that means in the South (Lilly Pulitzer, e.g.), but I'm not so sure what that might suggest for Maine. Name withheld, Palm Beach

Blue stripes are coastal, or any color stripe for that matter. Lilly Pulitzer is not RI, MA, NH, ME coastal. These places prefer J McLaughlin to LP. Go to jmclaughlin.com and look at the summer sale. Labor Day weekend, however, can be cold, so she'll need a pair of pants and a sweater. For the wedding weekend I like the following dresses on sale on the JMcLaughlin website: Emma Cap Sleeve Dress in Stay Sail, Sage Sleeveless Dress in Marble, Sage Dress in Deco Knot, Edie Dress in Mod Garden, and Nicola Dress in Black Portsmouth Stripe, Nicola Dress in Blue Riviera, Nicola Dress in Coral Mixed Media Stripe, and Maria Halter Dress in Jazz. Not on sale, I like Sage Dress In French Lace, which is lovely. ~Didi

Do you have a Question for Didi? Visit her at NewportManners.com, where Didi researches etiquette and all matters of manners for her book, “Newport Etiquette." If your Question is used, we can withhold your name and/or address. Do explore Didi Lorillard's earlier columns listed below.

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